Trial by Combat

The party heads to Galaderon Castle to meet the boy king and defend Beverly's dad, who is peeved as ever. Moonshine dusts off her Crick lawyering skills, Hardwon learns more about his mysterious past, and Beverly goes all out to save his family. Listen to the end of the episode for a PATREON SAMPLE of our new after-show: Short Rest!

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General Notes for readability: 

1. When a Player Character’s words are in quotation marks they are speaking as their own character, unless otherwise specified in brackets.

2. When the Dungeon Master is speaking as a character, brackets will often but not always be added to increase clarity as to which character he’s speaking about or to. 

3. Footnotes can be found at the end that explain D&D world building and mechanics.  

4. If a number is referred to in the context of D&D they will always be written numerically (ex: I rolled a 2).  If a number is referred to in general context, it will be written in text (ex: “Three heads is enough, Hardwon”)

5. Vocal tics are left in when they appear to be a character choice and are taken out when this does not appear to be the case.

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DM Murph: Hey, guys. Before we get started with this week’s episode, we have an announcement.

Beverly: Ooh!

Moonshine: Oh!

DM Murph: Who wants to reveal it? Guys, roll initiative to see who gets to reveal it.

Beverly: Alright-

Moonshine: Okay!

Hardwon: That’s cool.

DM Murph: I’m going to roll against you guys.

Beverly: I already put my dice away.

Moonshine: I put my dice away, too.

DM Murph: Oh, you suck, dude. Aww, I got a 3. Here, I’ll roll for you, Bev.

Beverly: Okay, roll for me.

DM Murph: Okay, I got a 3. Bev, you got a 19.

Beverly: Ooh!

Hardwon: I got a 20.

DM Murph [surprised]: Did you really? You got a nat20? Jake, go ahead.

Moonshine: Ooh, hoo!

Hardwon [loud and excited]: Yo, everybody, we got a Patreon!

Moonshine: Woo!

DM Murph: Oh yeah!

Beverly: That’s right.

Dadddy Murphy: Guys, go to Patreon.com/NADDPOD. That’s N-A-D-D-P-O-D. You’ll get access to a bunch of fun extra stuff if you donate to the show. First and foremost, at five dollars you’re going to get the Short Rest podcast, which is an aftershow that we’re going to record at the end of every single episode where we do a recap, we kind of hang out, we talk-

Moonshine: Mostly we probe Murph to be like, [in a silly voice] ‘Um, okay, but what would have happened if we did this?’

Beverly: Yeah!

Hardwon: Yeah, the first two episodes are also full of conspiracy theories started by us.

Emily: Yeah!

Beverly: Yeah, it’s just us asking what would happen if we didn’t fuck up.

Hardwon: Usually.

DM Murph: Ha! And, guys, the Short Rests will be pretty substantial because they’re going to be forty minutes to an hour, each one.

Beverly: Yeah!

Hardwon: We’re not fucking around.

DM Murph: We’re not fucking around!

Moonshine: Yeah, we fucking uncork a bottle of wine and fucking chat!

Hardwon: And that wine is sparkling,

Moonshine: [Laughs]

Hardwon: You better ‘belie-dat’!

Beverly: The wine and the conversation are sparkling.

Hardwon: Mmhmm.

Beverly: Put a damn log on the fire, put a couple dollars in our coffer, come enjoy the frickin’ podcast.

Hardwon: Yeah, you can straight up double the amount of times our podcast drops in your feed by subscribing.

Beverly: Yeah.

DM Murph: Yeah. You guys can get two podcasts a week about NADDPod, baby.

Hardwon: Damn!

DM Murph: So let’s get into our episode, and at the very end, we’ll give you guys a little sample of Short Rest.

Beverly: Thank you!

DM Murph: [Intro] Welcome to the Campaign After the Campaign. This is Not Another D&D Podcast!

DM Murph: Welcome back to Bahumia, everyone. I’m your Dungeon Master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz-

Hardwon: Hardwon Surefoot.

DM Murph: Emily Axford-

Moonshine: Moonshine Cybin, scout mistress and curb stomptress!

DM Murph: And Caldwell Tanner-

Beverly: Beverly Toegold V, [shouting] AND MY DAD’S GOING TO JAIL?! [Laughter]

DM Murph: Best case scenario your dad is going to jail.

Beverly: Oh my gosh, oh my P!

DM Murph: Or you know, maybe not. You guys don’t really know the details right now.

Beverly: Not yet, no.

DM Murph: You just know that he was arrested.

Beverly: All I know is that breakfast is ruined.

Hardwon: Apology Breakfast is off.

Beverly: No! Guys, we have to have Apology Breakfast! I-I looked up a bunch of recipes! I had a lot of different creams I was going to use! Several jams, a lot of compotes…

Hardwon: [To Beverly] This is you alone in the kitchen!

DM Murph [Laughter] That Galaderon huevos!

Beverly: [Laughter]

DM Murph Cool, guys, so let’s do a little recap:

Last week, you traveled to Galaderon. Bev’s legs were badly broken, and you needed to have them healed by a powerful cleric. You traveled to the Toegold family home where Bev’s extremely peeved dad called the high priest, Merrick High Hill, to come help Bev. The high priest healed Beverly, then left with Bev’s dad to walk back to the church district.

Galad Rosell, the legendary swordsman and captain of The Chosen paladins, stayed behind to give Bev a pep talk and gift him a magic sword. But Galad was attacked by The Widow, a mysterious foe who can command the undead. You guys battled a group of zombie paladins, during which Moonshine Misty Stepped after the fleeing Widow and asked her why she hated Galad so much, to which she responded, “He killed my husband!”

The Widow then [incredulously] ‘killed herself,’ but her body disappeared. Galad flew off on a griffin to find her while you guys finished off the zombies. You guys had a little slumber party and Bev’s mom made you dinner and tucked you in. But, when Beverly awoke the next morning, he was met with three paladins at his door who told him that his father had been arrested for the murder of Merrick High Hill!

Beverly: [Sing songy] Dun dun duuuun! I play that on my flute.

Moonshine and Hardwon: [Laughter]

Beverly: I guess I wake- [to DM] ...are we into it?

DM Murph Yeah, so we’re into it. So you’re in the living room with these three paladins.

Moonshine: I’m asleep.

Hardwon: We’re sound asleep.

Beverly: They’re asleep.

Moonshine: I’m sleeping for the first time in my life.

DM Murph [As Lieutenant Neiman]: “I’m sorry, son. Can we, can we talk to your mother?”

Beverly: “Sirs, y-yes, of course. I’ll wake her up. I need to take the bacon off before it gets burned, though.”

DM Murph [as Lieutenant Neiman]: “Sure. You’re-”

Beverly: “I was going to spell out, ‘I’m sorry’ in bacon for my friends. We had a whole thing prepared, but that’s okay.”

Hardwon: That’s a lot of bacon.

DM Murph [As Lieutenant Neiman]: “Yeah, your dad is in the dungeon in the castle.”

Beverly: “I gotta go make sure my mom’s decent. And then I’ll wake her up.”

DM Murph “Okay, you’re a good boy,” and he tussles your hair.

Beverly: “Thank you.” I head back and wake up my mom. [loud and panicked] “MOM!”

DM Murph: [As Martha Toegold] “Oh, God, oh, Beverly, what is it? Oh wait, your father never came home. He’ll get home late sometimes, but, oh boy, he works hard, y’know. I love him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Beverly: “Mom…”

DM Murph [As Martha Toegold] “I don’t know what I’d do without your father. Beverly, I know he gives you a hard time, I know he gives you a hard time, but I love him.”

Beverly [on the verge of tears]: “I love you, too, Mom!”

DM Murph [As Martha Toegold] “I love you, Beverly. I love our little family. And I’m so happy you’re making friends. I’m so proud of you, Beverly.”

[As his mother speaks, Beverly is making nervous noises in the background, not wanting to interrupt but needing to tell her the urgent news.]

Beverly: “Good. Oh, thank you! Um!... Uh!... You know what? [Nervously laughs] There’s some men in the kitchen, and they want to talk to you, but you just take your time, okay?”

DM Murph [As Martha Toegold] “Okay, Beverly. Okay, alright. Tell them to hang on. Tell them I’ll get some sticky buns in the oven. We’ll have a little brunch, okay?”

Beverly: “I think they’re in more of a hurry than that, Mom.”

DM Murph [As Martha Toegold] “Okay, alright. Let me get decent.”

Beverly: “Okay, yeah.” While she’s getting decent, I let them know that she’s getting ready. And I go wake up Moonshine and Hardwon.

DM Murph Cool. Beverly walks up and enters the room.

Hardwon: [Yawns]

DM Murph You guys are just sleeping in this tiny halfling bed.

Beverly: “Rise and shine! We’re in the shit again!”

DM Murph [Laughs]

Moonshine: [Groggily] “What’s goin’ on? I feel drunk. Sleeping…”

Beverly: “My daddy’s in trouble!

Hardwon [responding to Moonshine]: “That’s resting.”

Moonshine: “Oh, Melora!”

Hardwon: “What happened to your... what? What happened to your dad?”

DM Murph: Paw Paw wakes up with real sleepy eyes, [slowly, as if stretching] “Reeeeeeer reeeeer!”

Moonshine: “Paw Paw, did you sleep also?”

DM Murph: [As Paw Paw] “Reeeeeeer!”

Moonshine: “Oh, Melora.”

Beverly: [Frantically] “Guys, my dad did a bad. He did a super bad! Apparently, he killed Merrick High Hill! I don’t believe it! I’m not sure what’s true and what’s not true! Maybe Pelor’s a lie! Maybe he doesn’t really even exist! But there’s some men downstairs, and they’re asking my mom a lot of questions.

Hardwon: “Okay, slow down. I slept with-”

Moonshine: “Is it weird to, like, feel a little nauseous when you wake up? Is that normal from sleep?”

Beverly: [chuckles] “...yeah.”

Hardwon: “That’s mostly the crick water, I think.”

Moonshine: “Oh, Melora…”

Hardwon: “You gotta slow down, kid. Your dad did a bad, he’s been arrested for murdering the high priest that healed your legs?”

Beverly: “Potentially, yeah. I don’t think it’s true, but like, there’s a bunch of men downstairs that are saying exactly that. So, I’m going to head back downstairs. Y’all take your time, but my mom is down there alone, and I just need to make sure everything’s on the level.”

Hardwon: “I went to bed in my clothes, so I can go downstairs now.”

Moonshine: Moonshine has fallen back asleep.

Hardwon: She loves it.

Moonshine: [Laughs] Cool. Moonshine goes to bed. Hardwon and Beverly go down. Paw Paw-

Moonshine: You can tussle me awake!

DM Murph Paw Paw cuddles up with Moonshine, and they fall back to sleep. They never sleep. They’re always just in a trance.

Hardwon: I grab ‘em both and put ‘em over my shoulder and carry them downstairs.

Moonshine: “Sleep, what is this mysterious thing?”

DM Murph: Cool. As you walk down the stairs with a woman over your shoulder, the paladins-

Hardwon: And a possum over her shoulder.

Moonshine: [laughs]

DM Murph: Yeah. Yeah, you see Lieutenant Neiman, the main White Knight guy, looks over at Hardwon carrying Moonshine and goes [as Lieutenant Neiman] “Oh, God, did you guys kill another one?”

Beverly: “No, she’s just very sleepy!”

Moonshine: “Sh-Shae? Oh...sorry. Oh.”

Hardwon: “You wish.”

Moonshine: And then from Hardwon’s back, I extend my hand out and say, “Moonshine Cybin!”

DM Murph: [As Lieutenant Neiman] “Okay.”

Beverly: “These are my scout masters. They’re helping me-”

Moonshine: “Sleepy to be here.”

DM Murph: You see the knights shake your hands, and Martha Toegold is obviously extremely upset, and she goes, [as Martha Toegold] “Oh, God, okay. I’m sorry, I just, I don’t feel like making sticky buns right now. I just-”

Beverly: “That’s okay, mom!”

DM Murph: [as Lieutenant Neiman] “That’s quite alright, miss.” Yeah, Lieutenant Neiman addresses all of you guys and says, “The king is quite upset because he was about to name Merrick High Hill the High Septon, so he’s kind of streamlining the whole.. hearing, as it were.”

Moonshine [a bit slurred]: “Can I just ask this gently? Your king’s a little baby boy, right?”

DM Murph: [as Lieutenant Neiman] “He’s the Boy King, and we have great respect for the Boy King, and he is extremely even-keeled and fair, but…”

Hardwon: “And you said he’s streamlining the trial.”

DM Murph [as Lieutenant Neiman] “He’s sort of streamlining the trial. It’s going to happen in like an hour. So-”

Hardwon: “Alright.”

Moonshine: “Well, y’all, I haven’t revealed this to you before, but, down at the crick, I’ve been a defense lawyer before.”

Beverly: [Laughter]

Hardwon: “Really? I’ve seen you fake read for a pretty good portion of the journey.”

Moonshine: “Oh, I should specify...”

DM Murph: I’m just imagining Moonshine with a shoulder pad blazer on defending someone with southern hospitality.

Hardwon: [Laughs] Defending possums and bullywugs.

Moonshine: “That’s certainly what I wear, but I should specify that the Crick court of law, the lawyer, the attorney, the defense attorney and the prosecutor just wrassle. And whoever wins, wins the trial.”

DM Murph: [as Lieutenant Neiman] “Sometimes, there is trial by combat, so it’s not that different than the Crick, honestly.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

Beverly: “Oh, geez.”

DM Murph [as Lieutenant Neiman] “And the Boy King loves trial by combat. It’s his favorite thing.”

Beverly: “That’s true.”

Hardwon: “And you have a lot of respect for the Boy King?”

DM Murph [as Lieutenant Neiman] “I... love him, I love him! We love the king! We really do!”

Beverly: “We all.. We all love- It’s like they teach us-...”

DM Murph: You see the other guys are kind of just nodding and nobody’s saying anything.

Hardwon: Hardwon clocks that.

Moonshine: “Y’all do any kind of like, morning, uh, hand-over-the-heart…”

Beverly: [Sternly] “I pledge allegiance to the boy! He fills our hearts with blazing joy!”

DM Murph: [Laughs]

Moonshine: “Okay.”

DM Murph: [as Lieutenant Neiman] “Yup, we say that every day.”

Beverly: “He is so sweet, he is our king, he is the ruler of everything!”

DM Murph: [as Lieutenant Neiman] “We love the boy. We sure do.”

Hardwon: “Alright, I get that.”

Beverly: “Can we go visit my father and try and help him in any way?”

DM Murph: [as Lieutenant Neiman] “You can’t visit him, but you can go to his trial, which is happening right now.”

Beverly: [Panicking] “Oh my-...oh my P! Oh my sweet P!”

Moonshine: “Ooh!”

Hardwon: Hardwon grabs some raw sticky buns and then heads out the door.

Moonshine: I ask Beverly’s mom if she has a blazer with shoulder pads on it. “I don’t know if I’m gonna need to-...”

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] “Oh, o-of course, yeah.”

Moonshine: “Yeah, I’m a, I’m a defense attorney.”

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] She goes, “Oh, I’m so, I’m so happy you’re here. We need you today. We really do.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

DM Murph: She goes in. She finds a blazer for you. It is three sizes too small.

Beverly: [Laughter]

Moonshine: I still wear it.

DM Murph: It is a baby blazer.

Beverly: But does it make her look good?

Moonshine: Then I guess I put in Paw Paw.

Beverly: [Laughter]

DM Murph Paw Paw looks professional. He looks professional, good. [As Paw Paw] “Reer! Reeer reer! Reeeer!”

Moonshine: “Wow, I feel like he can come into the board room and put the boys in their place!”

Hardwon: That’s true.

Beverly: You know, we do have a-

Hardwon: That song from Ferris Bueller, [Sings] “Low rider...”

DM Murph Neiman just goes [as Lieutenant Neiman] “Okay, well. I’m gonna go to the trial.”

Moonshine: “Yeah, yeah, we are, too.”

Hardwon: “Yeah, we’re all going. Let’s go.”

[ominous music starts]

DM Murph: Cool. So the three paladins take you guys and Bev’s mom. You guys get a private balloon up to the main castle. As you guys fly up past the church district, which has these three grand cathedrals. Then you reach the first level of the castle. The castle itself is built on the peak of the mountain. There are four tower structures built into the mountain that work like pillars and on top of them is a giant stone platform that holds up the entire castle. It looks like they essentially leveled the peak of the mountain and replaced it with the castle. It’s quite majestic.

Hardwon: Beautiful!

DM Murph: So you guys land on the stone platform and are brought to the castle. Unlike a normal keep that might have a drawbridge and a moat to be more fortified, this one doesn’t need that because it’s atop a mountain. There’s just a giant open-air archway that leads you into the castle courtyard. There are what look like street lamps all around, but with balls of purple energy. These provide a permeated Control Weather spell that prevents the mountaintop from being covered in snow and keeps the air breathable.

Moonshine: Ooh!

DM Murph: Beverly, you definitely learned that in school.

Beverly: Oh, we learned all about the orbs!

DM Murph: It’s for that reason that you also see a bunch of nobles out picnicking and you see some gardens and vegetation that you wouldn’t normally expect at the top of the huge peak.

Beverly: I’m probably waving to a lot of people.

DM Murph: Yeah, they’re not waving back at you. Your family’s a little disgraced right now.

Beverly: “Everything’s fine!”

DM Murph: They kind of just avoid your stare.

Hardwon: “Your dad stands accused of murder.”

Beverly: “Just a slight misunderstanding, [forced laughter] ha-ha-ha. Enjoy your picnic!”

Moonshine: “Bev, I don’t want to be judgmental, but Crick elves wouldn’t treat their kind like that. If you’re related to someone who murdered someone, well, so is everyone else. We are highly inbred people.”

DM Murph: [Laughter]

Beverly: “Gosh, the hospitality is just endless. I love it. I’ve got a lot to learn about you and your people.”

DM Murph: You guys are led into the castle itself, which is built of stone, and, when you get in there, it looks like the interior of a normal castle, but then you get to the throne room. Behind the throne is a thick glass wall that lets you see the sky and the clouds. It looks like the king is sitting atop an airship.

On the throne is the Boy King, Robin Asagar. He’s this tall, skinny boy with acne and long, stringy black hair. He wears a deep red silk robe and has a gold crown on his head. He’s holding hands with the Queen Mother, Catherine Asagar. Next to them is the High Septon, Hubert Duncap, who is falling asleep, extremely old.

Moonshine: “Y’all, I kind of love him.”

DM Murph: Behind them is this big, hulking half orc carrying a giant great axe. Beverly, you would know this as the king’s bodyguard, The Crag. Not to be confused with The Mountain.

Beverly: The Crag!

Moonshine: “I also kind of love him.”

Beverly: And how old is the Boy King?

Hardwon: I’m fond of half orcs.

DM Murph The Boy King is twelve.

Beverly: Twelve, okay.

Moonshine: [To Jake] Yeah, me too.

DM Murph: There are various knights gathered. Galad is there, as well as Captain Bulric Ghoulbane, who is a dwarf, and he’s the captain of the Oath of Devotion knights. Beverly, you also recognize Duncan Pebblepot, who is Denny’s dad. He’s a halfling in Green Knight armor.

Moonshine: Ugh, stunk of craven in here.

DM Murph As soon as the three paladins lead you guys in, Duncan walks up to you guys. He looks just like Denny, but, y’know, forty years older. So he walks up and he goes [as Duncan Pebblepot] [overly cheerful] “Uh, hey gang! Uh, Beverly, so good to see ya!”

Beverly [sadly]: “Hi, Mr. Pebblepot.”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Wow! Hey! Who are your friends here?”

Beverly: “Uh, these are my new scout masters.”

Daddy Murph:y [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Your new scout masters, huh? My son Denny wrote all about ya!”

Hardwon: “Your son Denny is a piece of shit, sir.”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Oh, excuse you, sir!”

Moonshine: “Yeah..” [laughs]

Beverly: “It’s true, I hate to say it, but your son is a bit gormless.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Okay! Well, that’s rude! How are you, Ms. Elf?”

Moonshine: “Yeah, I also don’t like your son.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Okay, ‘Oh-for-three’ on that one! Well, you know, Beverly, even though you don’t like me anymore, I’m really looking forward to defending your father.”

Beverly [surprised]: “Oh, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Hardwon: “No! No! No, no, no!”

Beverly: “We like you plenty! It’s just that your son kind of, uh, we ran into some trouble in Moonstone, and, y’know, your son was responsible for most of it, yeah-...”

DM Murph [shouting]: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “And he ran off! You know what? We Pebblepots tend to get into trouble and just run off!”

Hardwon: “So it runs in the family.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Oh, absolutely!”

Moonshine: “Literally.”

Hardwon: “Are you even a little disappointed in your son?”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “You know? It is what it is!”

Hardwon [flatly]: “Awesome.”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “We’re from a long line of Pebblepots, uh, our-...”

Moonshine: “Where’s Mrs. Pebblepot? Or mister.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Mrs. Pebblepot? You know what, she’s at home! She prefers not to watch me work! She says it drives her right up!”

Beverly: “You’re just very honest, aren’t you?”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Yep!

Hardwon: “So you, you’re not a great lawyer I take it?”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Um, I mean, you know, I do my best and what more can we ask than that, huh, gang?”

Beverly: “Well-...”

Hardwon: “We’re gonna have to do the trial by combat today.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

Beverly: “Mr. Pebblepot, we did bring a backup lawyer for you. My-my friend, my scout master-my scout mistress, is an accomplished lawyer from the Crick.

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Is that right?”

Moonshine: “Yeah, I’ve, uh, I’ve defended a lot of murders, uh… uh, thieves, conspirers.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Oh. Oh boy. Well, you’re certainly more qualified than me, but I think it’s kind of set in stone. I don’t know if you can just walk in and say that.”

Moonshine: “I defended one of those people who, y’know, steals dogs from people that they put their dog-...they tie up their dog outside of brunch? Yeah.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Dognappers? Sure.”

Moonshine: “They steal ‘em, and they sell ‘em.”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Wow!”

Moonshine: “I defended him.”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “You defended one? That’s awful!”

Moonshine: [Laughs] “I know. It’s kind of just a fun hobby that I put my morals aside.”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “You know what?”

Beverly: “She’s got a lot of skills!”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Beverly, your dad is a good guy, and I’ll say if he killed the High Priest, he must have had a good reason.”

Beverly: “If he killed the High Priest, well, [awkwardly laughs], I’ll eat my hat! It’s very big!”

DM Murph: Suddenly, a man with a bowl cut, in a suit of fine silks, stands next to the king and addresses the crowd. Beverly, you would recognize this guy. This is Edmund Lorrell. He’s the king’s uncle and a total prick. He’s known for letting the king get away with anything to get on his good side.

Beverly: Is he like the regent? Or that would be the queen...

DM Murph: That would be the queen, yeah. But with a completely inept High Septon who can’t really speak, this guy has a lot of power because he has the king’s ear. So this guy speaks up and he goes [as Edmund Lorrell] “Attention, everyone! Bring out the accused!” And you see a few paladins come out carrying Bev’s dad in chains.

Beverly: “Daddy! Oh no.”

DM Murph: And Beverly’s dad goes [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Aw, c’mon, for P’s sake! I’m blind! I’m blind! They blinded me! I didn’t do anything! I can’t even see, I’m tripping over myself here!”

Beverly: “They blinded my dad?!”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Where am I? I don’t know where I am.”

Beverly: Wait, did they blindfold him?

DM Murph [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Bev, is that you?”

Beverly: “Dad! Daddy!”

DM Murph: He’s not blindfolded.

Beverly: Oh no!

Hardwon: He don’t got eyes.

DM Murph: You see that he has milky white pupils. [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Beverly, is that you, son?”

Beverly: “It’s me, Daddy! What did they do to you?”

DM Murph: [as Edmund Lorrell] “Silence! [pause] Beverly Toegold IV, you stand accused of the first-degree murder of Merrick High Hill, next in line to become the High Septon. What say you?”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I swear to P I didn’t do it! I woke up, I was blind, and he was dead. I didn’t do it.”

DM Murph: Edmund addresses the crowd. [as Edmund Lorrell] “Captain Toegold was discovered last night surrounded by the bodies of High Priest High Hill and three holy knights, one from each of the major faiths. His sword was covered in blood, and he was the only survivor. The king is very upset because, without a High Septon, now he no longer has a reason to have a party this weekend.”

DM Murph: [as the Boy King Robin Asagar] “Oh, Mommy! Can we still have a party?”

DM Murph: [as Catherine Asagar] “Of course, of course, son, we can still have a party!”

DM Murph: [as Robin Asagar] “Oh, mommy, I think he’s guilty! Can we just kill him? Can we just kill him, please, Mommy?”

Beverly: “Objection!”

DM Murph: And the queen goes [as Catherine Asagar] “Not without due process, my sweet.”

DM Murph: [as Edmund Lorrell] “Would anyone like to speak on Mr. Toegold’s behalf?”

Beverly: I say ‘objection’ again. “Objection! I would like to speak! Beverly Toegold V, son of Beverly Toegold IV, a junior Green Knight and a Six Leaf Green Teen, here to defend my father against these foul charges!”

DM Murph [Laughs] You see Duncan Pebblepot was getting ready to march forward. He had a big thing of papers. He starts to walk forward, Beverly goes out from the crowd, he immediately, without missing a beat, walks back and sits amongst the rest of the people.

Beverly: [laughs]

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Alright, well, good luck, Bev!”

Beverly: “Hold on! I would like to conference with my lawyer briefly. [Whispering to Duncan Pebblepot] What is our plan here?”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Alright, so, I figure I would say your dad was a good guy. There’s kind of no reason for- Why would he want the High Priest dead, right?”

Beverly: “Is that-...is that your entire argument?”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “I mean, y’know, he’s a good guy. I’m a good guy, things kind of just tend to work out for the Pebblepots.”

Hardwon: “Look, Beverly, when are you going to learn to-...when will you learn to stop trusting the Pebblepots?

Beverly: “Do you have any evidence? Any at all?”

DM Murph [as Duncan Pebblepot] “I mean, oh wait, hang on! I got one-...I’ve got-...guys, I got this!” Duncan Pebblepot stands in the front. “Why would he be blinded if he was the murderer, right? I mean, why would the guy blind himself?

DM Murph: And Edmund Lorrell just goes [as Edmund Lorrell] “Because perhaps the extremely powerful Merrick High Hill blinded him during the battle?”

DM Murph: [as Duncan Pebblepot] “Yep. Y’know what? That’s a pretty good point. Anyone else have any ideas, huh, gang?”

Beverly: “Sir Lorrell, may I ask, when did this murder take place?”

DM Murph: [as Edmund Lorrell] “We discovered the bodies early this morning. Four AM.”

Beverly: “Okay, we were sleeping then. Huh. Uh, miss-...attorney Moonshine, do you have any thoughts?”

Moonshine: “Oh, uh, usually it’s just kinda like arm wrestling, or leg wrestling is fun, too, every once in a while. Just, sort of, regular wrestle, mud wrestle, Crickwater wrestle-...”

DM Murph: [as Robin Asagar] “Oh, mommy, let’s kill him! Let’s throw him off an airship!”

Beverly: [Nervously] “Uh…”

DM Murph: And Edmund-

Hardwon: “Oh, fuck this. Trial by combat! Let me fuck-...I wanna fight the king!”

Beverly: [Laughter]

Moonshine [chuckling]: “Hardwon, really? You want to go after such small potatoes?”

DM Murph: Edmund just says [as Edmund Lorrell] “You don’t fight the king. You’ll fight someone in the king’s place.”

Hardwon: “Is it one-on-one trial by combat?”

DM Murph [as Edmund Lorrell] “It is one-on-one trial by combat. The king will choose someone, and someone can choose to defend Beverly Toegold IV.”

Hardwon: “Cool, let’s huddle up.” I’m gonna push Pebblepot the fuck back to his seat.

DM Murph: You hear Beverly’s dad, he’s just looking around at no one going [as Beverly Toegold IV] “What’s going on here? I’m blind, and I don’t know what’s going on!”

Beverly: “Daddy, we’ll help you, I promise.”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I am scared and confused, Bev!”

Beverly: “We’ve got you.”

Hardwon: He gets louder as he gets blinder.

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I’m scared and confused, Bev!”

Beverly: I’m going to need Hardwon to talk me down ‘cause I’m going to want to volunteer.

Hardwon: “I don’t think that there’s a better person to defend your father than you.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

Hardwon: “You've never been good enough in his eyes.”

Beverly: “You’re right.”

Hardwon: “And this is your chance to save his fucking life.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

Beverly: “Okay. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to fight that giant half orc, so I was kind of hoping you’d talk me down, but you’re right! By P, you’re right! I’ve got to do this!”

Moonshine: “I mean, I’m gonna put it on the line here, I think one of us is gonna have to do it. And my guess is that, you know, a slow war of attrition by spores isn’t going to take down a half orc.”

Beverly: “Alright. Thank you guys for standing with me in this moment. Let’s do this!” I turn around and say, [loudly] “I will stand trial by combat! For the honor of Beverly Toegold IV!”

DM Murph: You hear Beverly’s mom in the background just go [as Martha Toegold] “Oh, God! Oh my God! Oh, I’m not watching! I’m not watching!”

DM Murph: And you hear Beverly’s dad go, [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I can’t see anything! I’m not watching, but I can’t see!”

Beverly: “Daddy! Daddy, calm down! I’ll fix it, daddy, I’ll fix it!”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Beverly, the Crag is a tough fighter, Bev.”

Beverly: “I know! But we’re Toegolds! And we’re the toughest in town! We’re Green Knights, and we have Pelor on our side! And justice as well! And I’ll do what I can!”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Son of a P, Bev! I’m so...gosh dang...I’m so...I-I can’t see ya, but I’m...I’m... I’m p-...I’m...I’m p-...I’m p-...I’m p-...I’m-”

Beverly: “What are you- what are you- what are you saying?”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you, Bev!”

Beverly: [shocked; elongated] “Oh my God!”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “No matter what happens, I’m proud of you!”

Beverly: “Oh my gosh!”

Hardwon: Can he roll with inspiration during this fight?

DM Murph: Yeah. And you see Edmund pipes up. [as Edmund Lorrell] “Alright, then. It’s decided. Trial by combat.”

DM Murph: The king claps. [as Robin Asagar] “Oh, Mommy! Oh, Mommy! We’re going to get to see a fight! I love fights! I love it when they fight, Mommy!”

Hardwon: Hardwon just looks to Moonshine, “I hate this fucking king.”

Moonshine: “I know. I think that we gotta- I think that we have our own little mission to assassinate him before we leave.”

DM Murph: [laughs]

Hardwon: Oh, that’s cool. We should stealth around and do some shit while Bev is fighting.

Moonshine: Yeah. I think so.

Beverly: For sure. For sure, please.

DM Murph: Beverly, you take center stage. Everyone kind of gathers around. You guys are standing right in front of the throne. You see the Crag cracks his neck, this big hulking half orc barbarian dude, he walks out to join you in the circle that has emerged and he stares you down.

Moonshine: I lean over to Hardwon and I’m like “I feel bad saying this about Bev’s opponent, but yum!”

Beverly: [Laughter]

DM Murph: Beverly, he laughs at you and says [as The Crag] “Heh, kid, I’m gonna kill you, and then I’m gonna laugh when I chop your dad’s head off.”

Moonshine: Okay, I take my ‘yum’ back. ‘Yum’ rescinded.

DM Murph: Beverly, you stand toe to toe with this giant seven-foot-tall half orc dude, this hulking beast with this giant axe. And Edmund Lorrell stands between you guys, and he says [as Edmund Lorrell] “We have Beverly Toegold V fighting to defend his father, and the Crag fighting for the people of Galaderon.”

DM Murph: Beverly, roll initiative.

Beverly: Okay. [Pause] Okay, I got a 7. [nervous laughter]

DM Murph: Aw, damn, You lost to the Crag.

Beverly: Hoo boy. [To the Crag] “It’s an honor to finally meet you, and uh, to fight you, I guess? I was hoping that maybe it would be at the party next week, but okay.”

DM Murph: [as the Crag] “I’m going to knock you out, possibly kill you, and then I’m gonna chop your dad’s head off, and throw him from the castle.”

Moonshine: Okay, I’m going to say...the ‘yum’ is back.

Hardwon: [Laughs]

DM Murph: So the Crag goes first. He’s going to use a bonus action to go into a rage, and he is going to reckless attack Beverly, which means he has advantage on this attack, but you have advantage on attacks against him. So. He rolls a 3 on his first thing, and he rolls a 21 to hit.

Beverly: Ooh…!

DM Murph: So he’s going to hit you on his first attack for 15 damage on his first hit.

Beverly: Okay.

DM Murph: And he takes a swing with his second attack. Rolls with advantage. He misses even with advantage on his second attack. You block it with the shield and you hear some of the Green Knights cheer.

DM Murph: And your mom goes [as Martha Toegold] “Oh, c’mon, Beverly, please! Please!”

Hardwon: It’s a shame that Beverly’s dad can’t see this.

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “What’s going on? Is he doing alright?’

Hardwon: Hardwon is just going to start whispering to Beverly’s dad what’s happening.

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Give me the play by play!”

Hardwon: [to Beverly Toegold IV] “Oh, he deftly blocked the second hit! The first one honestly looked like it didn’t even phase him.”

DM Murph: It is your turn, Beverly. You get your two attacks. You get advantage on both of them ‘cause of Reckless Attack.

Beverly: Great. I’m going to use Ensnaring Strike and try and get him up in some vines. So let me do that now. That’s a 19 plus 8.

DM Murph: Yep.

Moonshine: Yeah!

DM Murph: So he’s going to make a strength saving throw. He rolls with advantage on that, and he passes. He bursts through the vines as soon as you shoot them at him.

Beverly: Oh boy!

DM Murph: You’ll do normal attack damage because you hit him, but half damage because he’s raging.

Beverly: Alright, cool, cool. That’s 8 plus 7, so 15.

DM Murph: So, 15 damage, so 7 damage.

Beverly: Okay, and then I get an extra attack. That’s 9 plus 8, does that hit?

DM Murph: 17? That does hit.

Beverly: Woo! Alright. That's 2 plus 7, that’s 9.

DM Murph: 9 damage. Okay, so then that’s 4 damage. I will also say that you guys on the sideline, you guys both have an opportunity to give Beverly inspiration. If you guys inspire him, give him some kind of a speech, at any point in any of these rounds, I will give him advantage if I like what you say.

Moonshine: What if I speak with music? I whip out New Betsy and I say, “Today, she is New Beverly.” And then I do a sick fiddle solo.

Hardwon: And as that fiddle solo is echoing through the halls, I take out my woodblock.

DM Murph: Ohhhh, shit! The band!

Hardwon: I start keeping time.

Beverly: The band! We just started this band!

Moonshine: Yeah, as I’m doing it, I’m like, “You got a whole band behind you!”

DM Murph: The Crag looks so confused, but Beverly’s so inspired. You definitely get advantage on your next attack.

Beverly: “I can’t let-..I can’t die before we record our first single!”

Hardwon: “Callooh Callay, Bev!”

Beverly: [shouts] “Callooh Callay!”

Moonshine: “Callooh Callay!”

DM Murph: So, the Crag takes his first attack. He’s not going to do a Reckless Attack because he’s a little pissed that he got hit both times that time. But he does hit on his first attack. 12 damage. He’s going all out, so he’s going to take another swing.

And he actually hits with his second attack. But he rolled a 1 on his damage. But that’s not- sorry. It’s 7 total with his bonus. So he hits you for 7.

He’s taking his third attack. He’s going to use Rage to get a level of exhaustion, and he rolled a 7, so he fails. He misses on that one. Bev, that is you.

Hardwon: And now he’s exhausted.

DM Murph: You’ve got advantage on the first attack.

Beverly: I’m going to go ahead and use my Amulet Surge, I think.

DM Murph: Half your hit dice plus your constitution modifier twice.

Beverly: 15 plus 4, 19?

DM Murph: Yep, 19.

Beverly: Alright, cool. 16 plus 19, I’m back up to 35.

DM Murph: Nice. You go back up.

DM Murph: But you do hear, your dad yells to you, Beverly, [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Bev, I’m not totally sure what’s going on, but he’s gonna have resistance to damage as he’s raging, you gotta do some magic damage to him, Bev! You gotta do some damage to him!”

Beverly: “Alright, if it’s magic damage he wants, it’s magic damage I’ll give him!” I’m going to use a little magic slice. It’s time for that magic slice. It’s time for that Divine Smite.

DM Murph: See if you hit, and then you can Divine Smite. But you have advantage because of the band.

Beverly: Yeah. I hit with 17 plus 8, so...

DM Murph: Cool. what spell slot are you going to do the-...

Beverly: Second level, baby!

DM Murph: Okay, so you do 3d8s of full damage, and 1d8 of half damage. So first, roll your longsword damage first, and we’ll halve that.

Beverly: Oh, 2 plus 7.

DM Murph: 2 plus 7, so 9. So 4 damage. You slash into him, and then this burst of Pelor power, the power of P.

Beverly: [rhythmically] P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P!

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Get him with the… get him with the Power of P, Bev!”

Beverly: I focus on Pelor in my mind. I see his big, bearded face. He’s like Santa Claus but the sun. He’s like a big, muscular Santa Claus, but, you know, wearing a bathing suit.

DM Murph: [Laughter]

Beverly: I focus on him, and I slash with my radiant damage.

DM Murph: Roll 3d8s for your second level.

Beverly: So that’s 8, 6, 1. That’s-...

DM Murph: Nice! 15?

Beverly: 15, yeah.

DM Murph: Okay, yeah. You mess him up. He is looking pretty hurt. He’s not nearly on Death’s Door, but you guys are looking about the same. This is an even fight so far. You are giving the Crag a run for his money.

Beverly: I wipe the blood off of my face.

DM Murph: [as the Crag] “You’re tougher than you look, you little bastard.”

Beverly: “I’ve got everything on the line, and there’s no way I’m going to lose, because my line is a golden thread, descended from the heavens of Pelor!”

DM Murph: [as The Crag] “Aaaaaaghhh!” He goes for a Reckless Attack. He gets a 21 to hit.

Beverly: That hits.

DM Murph: That’s gonna hit. Another 12 damage. He takes his second swing… [pause] and he misses with both.

Hardwon: “Yes!”

DM Murph: That is you, Beverly.

Beverly: Okay. As a bonus action, I’ll go ahead and cast Divine Favor, which means I get an extra d4 of radiant damage on a hit.

DM Murph: Sweet.

Beverly: And I guess I’ll just do another Radiant Strike. Or another Divine Smite.

DM Murph: Cool. Go for it. Take a swing at him with advantage, and see if you hit.

DM Murph: [as the Crag] “You don’t got a chance, kid.” You see he’s kind of out of breath.

Beverly: That’s a 2. I would just like to acknowledge it.

DM Murph: The Two Crew, shout out to the 2s...

Hardwon: Twos, baby.

DM Murph: Please don’t keep getting 2s.

Beverly: That’s a 15 plus 8.

DM Murph: That hits. Roll your damage, and expend a spell slot, however you want to do it.

Beverly: 4 plus 7, so…

DM Murph: 11?

Beverly: Yeah.

DM Murph: Okay. So then, that gets halved to 5. Okay, and now you’re doing your divine damage. You might beat this guy.

Beverly: Divine damage. But remember, I have an extra d4.

DM Murph: You do have an extra d4, go for it.

Hardwon: Oh, c’mon, Bev!

DM Murph: It’s going to be close, guys!

Beverly: 13.

DM Murph: 13 total damage.

Hardwon: And then a 4.

Beverly: Plus 4, so wait, 17.

DM Murph: He is looking very hurt. He is out of breath. He’s starting to trickle blood from his mouth. The Crag is going to recklessly attack you. [as The Crag] “I don’t know what gods you’re using or how you’re cheating, but I’m going to kill you, boy, and then I’m going to kill your father!”

DM Murph: He rolls with advantage... He’s definitely going to hit. 10 damage. And then he’s going to swing again, recklessly. That’s 22 to hit. And he hits you for 15 damage.

Beverly: Bev’s down. [sighs]

Hardwon: [whispers] Nooooo!

DM Murph: You see he slashes into Beverly. Bev is standing his ground. He’s still standing as he’s bleeding out. Beverly is unconscious standing up on one knee, trying to keep fighting. The Crag goes to cut Beverly’s head off.

Moonshine: Uh, I [stutters] “Pick on someone-” I go Wild Shape into a fungus queen, and I say, “What, are you, big man, picking on a child?”

DM Murph: He’s swinging down. Three, two-

Moonshine: Yeah, I’m jumping in there!

DM Murph: Cool. So, just as The Crag is about to strike down on Beverly, Moonshine and Hardwon get their weapons in and block his shot. The Crag stares at you both with intense fury before Edmund Lorrell gets in between you.

DM Murph: [as Edmund Lorrell] “That’s it. It’s been decided. Beverly Toegold IV is sentenced to death.”

Beverly: “Dad! I’m sorry. I couldn’t-...I wasn’t strong enough. I doubted Pelor! It’s my fault!”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “It’s okay, Bev. I’m proud of you, okay? I’m proud of you no matter what happens.”

Moonshine: “Uh, so judge, what do we got, like, a couple of weeks before the actual execution? I’m sure you’ve got some paperwork to fill out and what not?”

DM Murph: The king goes, [as Robin Asagar] “Oh, Mommy, how should we kill him? Should we chop him up or should we throw him out of the airship?”

Moonshine: [to the Boy King] “Good sir, hi, just a lowly Crick elf, but I’d say, you know what would be a great party for this weekend? An execution party!”

DM Murph: Go ahead-… I love this idea. Roll me a persuasion check with advantage.

Moonshine: I got a 20. Not a nat.

DM Murph: No, that’s really good.

Moonshine: “I’m just saying, you know, where I come from, if you want to get the people out, give ‘em something to talk about, show ‘em something they’ve never seen before, you have an execution party in a couple days.”

DM Murph: You see the king lights up and turns to the Queen Mother and goes, [as Robin Asagar] “Oh, Mommy! Mommy, if we had an execution, could we still have a party?”

DM Murph: And she puts her hand on his shoulder and says, [as Catherine Asagar] “Of course, dear, of course we could still have the party. Why don’t we have an execution party this weekend instead of naming a new High Septon.”

DM Murph: And Edmund Lorrell looks a little bit disappointed and goes, [as Edmund Lorrell] “Alright, it is decided then: Beverly Toegold IV will be put to death in two days.”

Hardwon: “Okay.”

Beverly: Oh boy. “Thank you for your graciousness, my lord!”

Moonshine: “Well, that’s too bad. We’ll miss him. R-I-P.”

DM Murph: Edmund tells the crowd to adjourn. He joins the Queen Mother and the king. You see the paladins who are hanging onto Beverly Toegold IV bring him over.

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “You know, I-I-I couldn’t see it, kid, but... I’m-I’m-I’m proud of you.”

Beverly: “Thank you, Papa.”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I never told you that, and…[pauses] I’m-I’m-I’m glad you made such good friends. And I’m sorry I’m not gonna get to see you become the Green Knight that I know you’re going to be. I swear to P, I know you’re going to be a good Green Knight, Bev.”

Beverly: [Holding back tears] “I’ll do my best.”

Hardwon: “Alright, this is real sweet, but look, number IV, you gotta try to remember what happened. We don’t think you killed the high priest.”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “Oh, I sure to P didn’t.”

Beverly: “What happened that night, Daddy?”

Hardwon: “Just start from the beginning.”

Moonshine: “Yeah, do you remember even leaving the house? Under what pretense did you leave the house?”

Hardwon: “The last time we saw him leaving the house was with the high priest.”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “I left the house with the high priest. Brought him to the cathedral. Brought him to his little apartment attached to the cathedral.”

Moonshine: “He has a little apartment?”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “He has a little apartment. It’s very cute.”

Moonshine: “Okay.”

DM Murph: [as Beverly Toegold IV] “We talked for a little bit. [Slowly and intentionally] Suddenly there was a smashing sound, I went blind, I heard screaming. I was knocked out. I woke up. The paladins were there to arrest me. That’s all I know.”

Beverly: “Sounds like foul play.”

DM Murph: The paladins that are holding Beverly Toegold IV put their hands on his shoulder and go “Alright, buddy, we gotta take you back to the dungeon. Sorry, guys.” And he pulls Beverly Toegold IV back and takes him back to the dungeon.

Beverly: I fall to my knees. I weep openly. I weep openly for my papa.

Moonshine: “It’s okay, that’s a good cover. Make it seem like he’s making peace with his daddy’s death rather than scheming.”

Beverly: Would lesser restoration be able to heal my dad’s eyes, or is it too much damage?

DM Murph: Your dad is cursed. Your dad would be able to heal his own eyes. So he is clearly-... Somebody very powerful fucked him up.

Beverly: Would I be able to sense-...?

DM Murph: You could prettily easily tell it was necromancy.

Hardwon: “We’ve gotta find this fucking Widow.”

DM Murph: Yeah, so as you guys are circled up, Galad joins you guys and he says-

Hardwon: [To Galad] [annoyed]“Oh, you again.”

Beverly: [To Galad] [happily]“Oh, you again!”

Moonshine: [To Galad] “Hey, Galad!”

DM Murph [as Galad Rosell] “Great job, Beverly. You really-...you almost beat The Crag.”

Beverly: [frustrated]“It wasn't enough. Okay?”

Moonshine: “Hey, where did you go on your griffin last night?”

Beverly: [as Galad Rosell] “I went looking for The Widow.”

Moonshine: “Did you find her?”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “I didn’t.”

Moonshine: “I equally want-...do you know, the crazy thing is she killed my brother, so I’m also on a vengeance quest for her.”

Beverly: Wait, what? Hold up, what?

DM Murph: Roll a deception check.

Moonshine: 13.

DM Murph: He looks you up and down and says, [as Galad Rosell] “She’s killed so many of my friends. I don’t know why you would lie to me about her killing one of your friends.”

Moonshine: “I’m sorry.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “Just be truthful.”

Moonshine: “Honestly, I have a crush on you, and I was trying to impress you.”

Beverly: “You know what? Actually…”

Hardwon: Roll a deception check because that could not possibly be true.

DM Murph: [Laughter]

Beverly: Actually, I want to try-

Moonshine: I got a 5.

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “I don’t know how you’re the only woman who doesn’t have a crush on me, but I can tell that you’re lying.”

Moonshine: [chuckling] “I’m sorry. I’m really putting you through it tonight.”

Hardwon: “She likes The Crag.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “We all know who is responsible for this. It had to have been The Widow, right?”

Moonshine: “Yeah, you’re totally right. That’s so true.”

Beverly: “That’s our best lead, yeah.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “If we can prove that it’s The Widow, then-”

Moonshine: “Then we can get him off.”

Hardwon: “Alright. Well, we’ve got two days.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “I don’t want to put you guys in danger, but I have some information and it’s not exactly something we as The Chosen can follow up on. Us paladins, in our full armor, aren’t exactly stealthy, and we don’t blend in well, me being The White Rose of Galaderon and all.”

Hardwon: [sarcastically] “Okay. Yeah. The White Rose of Galaderon. Congrats, buddy.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “Me, Galad Rosell, the White Rose of Galaderon.”

Beverly: [laughs]

Moonshine: “And you don’t believe that I have a crush on you?”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] “I’ll roll with disadvantage to pick up on you because I’m so- I rolled a 1. Okay, you do have a crush on me. [dramatically] But I’m sorry, I’m married to the job.”

Beverly: “Don’t you know? He’s chaste!”

Moonshine: “That’s fine. I ain’t looking for marriage, you know?” I wink at him.

Beverly: I pull out my Galad trading card.

Moonshine: [laughing] I look at Hardwon like ‘What am I doing?’

Hardwon: I shrug.

Moonshine: [laughing] “a web of lies...”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "Wow, my rookie card!"

Beverly: I pull out his trading card that says ‘Galad has never had sex.’ So, just to prove-

Hardwon: I give him a very enthusiastic thumbs up.

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "That's right. I am pure!"

Hardwon: "Can't believe I was jealous of you."

Beverly: "Sorry, Moonshine, but I don't think it's going to work.

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "I'm saving myself for the light!"

Moonshine: I look at Hardwon, and I say, "I think my lies are working on Bev, and I feel really guilty."

Beverly: [laughs]

Hardwon: "Don't worry about it. So, tell us this information. What’s the information that the paladins can't get done?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "So, apparently, The Widow keeps a few contacts. The only people we've ever seen her with are this little rat man and this bear guy who work down at the docks, down in lower Galaderon. They work to repair the airships that aren't working."

Hardwon: "Salt of the earth people, just like us. Let's go, Moonshine."

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "Apparently, The Widow meets with them occasionally."

Moonshine: "For repairs? Or social calls?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "We don't know. She might know them? Or they might be allied with her? They've never attacked any of The Chosen, and The Widow often attacks us, so I don't know totally what their allegiance is, but..."

Hardwon: "Alright, we're going to take a hot air balloon down to the… lower Galaderon. Have fun, uh, not getting laid."

Moonshine: "Just a real inconspicuous hot air balloon.”

Beverly: "Are they working now? Would we be able to find them if we went right now?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "It's still the daytime. You might be able to find them. You might be better off going at night. Actually, they often stay late working on a ship later than all of the other dockworkers. It's pretty suspect. We've tried to confront them before, but they're pretty capable."

Moonshine: "What’s the ship called? Does that ship have a name emblazoned across it, or some kind of identifiable, uh, bust at the front?”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "I couldn't tell ya."

Beverly: "Is it the Lady Mercy? Or perhaps The Highwind? Or perhaps the Regalia of the Gale?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "You know, most of the ships down there are tradeships and such lesser military vessels. They'd probably have better people on it than these two, if they were important ships."

Moonshine: “I see, I see.”

Beverly: "Also, now is a really bad time, but could you sign this rookie card?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "Absolutely."

Hardwon: "Oh my God, he already autographed your sword, Bev."

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell: "Absolutely, do you want me to write it in Elvish, like your sword?"

Beverly: "Yeah, that'd be super great, thank you."

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell: "Do you want me to also sign it from Rosaline?"

Beverly: "Yes, if you could."

Moonshine: "Who is Rosaline?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "My sword."

Beverly: “It’s his sword.”

Moonshine: "Okay, but what did you name your sword after? Dead cat?”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "It's just my sword's name. She speaks to me."

Moonshine: "Sure… You fucked your sword, like, once, right?"

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "That's why she always strikes true!"

Moonshine: "Okay, gotcha."

Hardwon: "So, you don't-...you masturbated onto your sword.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "I do not masturbate, 'Hard-bun'."

Hardwon: "Hey!"

Moonshine: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you let the light flow out of your netherbits onto the sword."

Hardwon: “I see, that’s what it is.”

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "I gave you your information, and now I will go."

Beverly: "I'm going to go-..."

DM Murph: [as Galad Rosell] "Good day to you, young Beverly."

Beverly: "Fare the well, Sir Rosell."

Hardwon: [To Galad] "Wet dreams!"

Moonshine: [laughs]

Beverly: I'm going to go hug my mom.

DM Murph: Okay, yeah, your mom. [as Martha Toegold] "Oh, God, Beverly. Oh, seeing you out there, oh you did such a good job. I'm so proud of you, but-..."

Beverly: "It's okay, I gotta get stronger, mom. I gotta learn how to protect you and everyone. And everything's gonna be okay."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "You know what? Pelor works in mysterious ways. I don't know how he works framing your father for murder and then having my son fight a giant half orc, and I'm upset to say the least."

Beverly: "Seems bad..."

Hardwon: Hardwon is digging through her purse, seeing if she has any snacks.

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Oh, okay. You know what? Let's go home. Let's all go home and let’s have a snack. Let's all just go home, we're all very upset."

Beverly: "Yeah, do you have any more cheese sticks?"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "I, yes, we have Polly-O cheese strings back at the house."

Moonshine: "Y'all have anything spicy? I feel like it's just sweet-”

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "I'm so sor-..."

Moonshine: "...gazpacho? I could settle for a nice gazpacho-"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] [crying] "I'm just an awful, I'm an awful host! I'm an awful host! My husband is going to get, my husband is going to get killed in two days!"

Moonshine: "No, no! Let's take you home, we'll let you in on what may be going on."

Hardwon: "Tell you what: Moonshine, she's a mean cook, so you just open up your kitchen, and she'll whip something up."

Moonshine: "Yeah, that's true, yeah. You sit down, and put your feet up."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Okay. You know what? I'm not particularly in the mood to cook right now, I gotta be honest, I'm just not in the mood to have guests."

Beverly: "You go lay down, Mama. We’ll handle it. We'll just raid the pantry."

Moonshine: "Sometimes the best hostess is the one who knows when to be 'host-ed.’"

[Pause]

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "That's, y'know what-"

Moonshine: "I'm just gonna let that one fall on deaf ears.”

[Laughter]

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Truer words have never been said."

DM Murph: So, do you guys go back to the Toegold residence?

Hardwon: Yeah.

Beverly: Yeah, I think so.

Moonshine: Yeah.

Hardwon: I like that.

Moonshine: I think we'll go 'cause we need somewhere safe to talk, although we should sweep the residence for any kind of bug.

Beverly: Yeah, I want to rifle through maybe my dad's quarters and study as well. Just to see if I can find any extra information.

DM Murph: Cool.

Hardwon: Smart.

Moonshine: I'm doing a sweep for bugs or spies or anything like that.

DM Murph: Great.

Beverly: Bugs, spiders, worms.

Hardwon: Oh, you know what? I'm going to take a peek through Bev's telescope.

Moonshine: Ooh! I like that.

DM Murph: So, you guys go back to Bev's house. You're looking into the telescope. It's about four or five PM. You guys have had a busy morning slash afternoon.

Hardwon: Can I look over towards where The Widow slit her throat, and see if there's anything interesting over there?

DM Murph: Yeah, you look, and it appears to be someone's roof. You look at the gnome who was reading before that Moonshine noticed, and he closed his blinds. He looks over, sees you pointing a telescope at him, and closes his blinds.

Hardwon: I nod. That's fine.

Beverly: Oh, you were going to check for bugs.

Moonshine: I'd like to case the house.

DM Murph: Cool.

Moonshine: From one sneak to another, I just have a good instinct of where someone might-

DM Murph: You case-.. Go ahead and roll an investigation check. Bev, are you going to look around, too? Where are you going to look?

Beverly: Yep, I'm going to look in the bedroom- oh, no, my mom is asleep in the bedroom.

DM Murph: Your mom's not asleep. It's still the early evening.

Beverly: Oh, I didn't know if she was laying down.

DM Murph: No, she's just sitting in the living room.

Beverly: Okay, I'm going to check the bedroom and my dad's study, which I mentioned he has.

DM Murph: Cool. Go ahead and do an investigation check.

Beverly: That's a 16 plus, what's my investigation? Oh, it's zero! Okay. So 16.

DM Murph: Yeah, so you look around your parents’ bedroom. You don't find anything super special, except, when you look in the bin, you remember that very cold letter that you got from your dad, saying that you did an adequate job. You see that there are like twenty copies of him trying to write you that letter and say that he was proud of you. And he kept throwing them out.

Hardwon: My heart just fucking melted.

DM Murph: Like, he kept trying.

Beverly: I take all of them.

Moonshine: A teeth collection and an aborted dad letter collection.

DM Murph: So, yeah, your dad wrote you. One of the more complete letters, your dad wrote you about how so many of the Toegolds were killed in battle and your uncle Ronald died being a goof and he just was hard on you because he didn't want you to make a misstep and die and be another person that he lost. And Moonshine, as you look around the house, you don't notice anything super suspect.

Moonshine: So my sense is that this is a safe place to speak freely?

DM Murph: Yeah, that would be your sense.

Beverly: I guess we meet up and maybe discuss our next moves.

Moonshine: Yeah, let's circle up.

Hardwon: "Alright, so your neighbor hates us."

Moonshine: "Yeah, that guy… I definitely gotta let Paw Paw leave a little, uh, gift on his welcome mat."

Hardwon: Nice.

DM Murph: [as Paw Paw] [happily]"Reer!" Still wearing the eighties business woman shoulder pads. "Reer!"

Hardwon: "We never used it. He had an airtight case. So much fucking evidence.

DM Murph: [as Paw Paw] "Reer! Reer! Reer!" He presents some files talking about how it was circumstantial, they never went for the DNA. "Reer!"

Beverly: I want to ask my Mom about the history of our family. Actually, maybe I could just do a roll for this? 'Cause I know a lot about our family. We're the Green Knights in town. My dad is the captain of the Green Knights, which is one of the factions. There's multiple factions.

DM Murph: Cool. You would already know this. So, since they've had this High Septon spiritual advisor, the city watch, as well as the Galaderon army, is led by the different factions of paladins. So you've got The Chosen, which are kind of the newer ones. Those are the ones who just worship the light. Then you have the Green Knights who worship Pelor. And then you have the White Knights, who are the Oath of Devotion paladins. They worship Bahamut or they worship Moradin.

Hardwon: "Moradin's the man!"

DM Murph: And they have an alliance. The White Knights are the by-the-books regular paladins. The Green Knights are the more nature-focused paladins. And The Chosen ones are the ones that are [mischeviously] a little bit funky.

Beverly: "Well, I think we've gotta head down to the docks, y'all. I don't think there's anything left for us to do here."

Moonshine: "Yeah. I would like to reassure your mother, though, that, I don't know if it was obvious- I don't actually want a party for your husband's execution. I was trying to buy us time to hopefully save his life."

Hardwon: "That was a stalling tactic."

Beverly: "Oh, thank God."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Oh, I understood. And I really appreciate it, but Beverly, your father wouldn't want you to put yourself in danger. You've already done enough. We've lived a good life, and if Pelor takes him in two days, then Pelor takes him in two days, and we just have to accept that."

Beverly: "That's unacceptable, Mom!"

Moonshine: "Mrs. Beverly, if I may, we will make sure that your son does not put himself in danger, and instead, me and Hardwon put ourselves in danger."

Hardwon: "Yeah, we're scout masters."

Moonshine: "And mistress."

Beverly: "I have a pretty bad track record of putting myself in danger, but we're trying to play it smarter." [small, nervous chuckle]

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "You know, I'm just so happy that you are his- you know, the Green Teen program has really gotten it together because it used to be scoutmaster Denny, and I just didn't trust him around the kids."

Hardwon: "Oh, he lost a bunch of kids."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "I gotta be honest, I didn't trust him around the kids. That makes sense. I believe it. I believe it, but you seem like good people. Thank you for helping my son."

Hardwon: "Do you know Erlin?"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Of course I know Erlin!"

Hardwon: "He's a good boy."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Erlin's a very good boy. He's got a very nice family."

Moonshine: "I'd be proud to have him in my family!"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Oh, Erlin's like another son to us. We love Erlin."

Hardwon: "How about Derlin?

Moonshine: [Whispered] "Oh yes, son in law..."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Derlin?"

Hardwon: "He's alright."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold]"Derlin's okay. He's a little bit of a knucklehead."

Hardwon: "Cran?"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Cran? Wonderful. I love-...wonderful."

Hardwon: "Great kid."

Moonshine: "I love Cran. Love Cran."

Beverly: "Great girl. Great girl."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Great girl."

Hardwon: "Alright, we're going to head out. We're going to go to the docks."

Beverly: "Time to go to the docks!"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Alright. Hey, hey! Come in, everybody, let's do a little group hug, okay?'

Beverly: "Huddle up! Huddle up!"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Hardwon Surefoot? Moonshine Cybin, was it? Cybin, was it?"

Moonshine: "Yes, yeah."

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "You're very important to me. Beverly Toegold, my strong boy! I'm so proud of you! I'm so proud of all three of you! You are all my baby children, and I love you all so much. Please be careful! Please be careful!"

Hardwon: Hardwon is fully fighting back tears.

Moonshine: Yeah, I think Moonshine is, too.

Hardwon: [Strained] "No problem! No problem!"

Moonshine: Moonshine is sitting here being like, "I felt so bad for Beverly for having a dad who didn't give him enough love, but the amount of love that your mom gives you just, like, negates that."

Hardwon: "And the love that his dad just had bottled up. It wasn't a lack, it was a plethora."

Beverly: I'm blushing. I'm blushing big time. [Embarrassed] "Mom!"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Would you guys like some sticky buns before you go?"

Hardwon: [Crying] "Yes, please! Sure!"

DM Murph: [Laughs] She makes Hardwon some sticky buns.

Moonshine: "Maybe you could just douse it in some paprika or something? It's so sweet!"

Beverly: "Do you have any Cholula for Moonshine?"

Moonshine: "Please?"

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Well, I'll make it as spicy as I can."

Moonshine: "Thank you!"

Moonshine: Alright, to the docks we go!

DM Murph: You guys are off?

Hardwon: Off to the docks.

Moonshine: "What do you guys think? So, I think that we gotta try and spy on these people."

Hardwon: "Yeah, we gotta stealth up."

Beverly: Before we go, I do want to say that I probably switched into Lower Galaderon clothes.

DM Murph: Oh, nice.

Beverly: But I think they're still probably a little too clean, but I did my best pass at making a little less-

Hardwon: It's like your Halloween costume of a sailor from a few years ago.

Beverly: Exactly. I'm in a sailor boy outfit.

[Laughter all around]

Moonshine: Just a little boy in a sailor boy outfit.

Beverly: "What-ho, fellow sailors!"

Hardwon: "I don't know if they're going to buy that.”

Beverly: I roll around in the dirt.

Moonshine: This might be good for deception, though.

Beverly: Yeah, maybe I come out in the sailor outfit and I'm like, "What do we think?"

Hardwon: We shake our heads at each other.

Moonshine: "No." like a montage.. No.

Beverly: Okay, I come back and I'm just wearing a canvas sack or something.

Hardwon: That's better.

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "Why don't you just wear your clothes when you go to school?"

Beverly: "Okay, yeah." I put on my school clothes and I roll around in the dirt in those.

DM Murph: [as Martha Toegold] "There ya go. Okay, that's very good."

Beverly: Cool!

DM Murph: You guys have the tram system, and you guys have the hot air balloon to get down to lower Galaderon.

Hardwon: Maybe we should take the tram.

Beverly: Yeah, get a little scuttlebutt.

Hardwon: Like plebeians. Try and blend in.

DM Murph: Cool, there is a rarely used upper Galaderon tram station. You guys go to the tram station. It's a man-made cave. There's a little platform that leads out to the track, but the trains don't run on normal train tracks. There are four rails, two at the top and two at the bottom. The trams each have a conductor who pulls an igniter that powers the tram. Then it slides along the rails. So you guys wait a little bit and see a tram pull up. The train has many individual cars that fit about fifteen people, and there are huge windows so that you can look outside. And you see- you guys are at the station. There's maybe only one or two other people, people that are just maids or housekeepers for the rich people up here. There's a couple guys that have tool belts on ‘em that were maybe working on some kind of construction project for the people in upper Galaderon. They get on the tram with you guys.

You guys hop on the tram. It's normally associated with the lower class of Galaderon, but it's a beautiful ride. Some of the tracks tunnel through the mountains, but they also frequently run outside, around the mountain, giving you a beautiful view. And it's sunset, guys, so it's so nice out.

Beverly: Does our speaking stone work on the tram? Do we get service?

DM Murph: You could definitely try calling Ol’ Cobb on the phone.

Moonshine: I will send- I'm not going to call him because it's so awkward.

DM Murph: There are no text messages. You gotta either call Ol’ Cobb or don't.

Hardwon: We're only supposed to call him if we see The Widow anyway.

Beverly: Oh, that's fair.

Moonshine: I think we should do a little stealth, because, the less people the better the stealth anyways. I think we should figure out what's going on, then figure out what we need to do about the situation. Then call in Ol’ Cobb when we got a plan.

DM Murph: So you guys are on this tram. There are a few construction workers and random people. It's pretty sparse up here. Then you guys hit middle Galaderon. This is where a lot of the artisans and the people who sell things to the rich people live, and they're traveling home to lower Galaderon. They were working in middle Galaderon, running their shops, or they're going down to lower Galaderon to go to a shit-show tavern and get trashed.

Moonshine: Can I inspect the-

Hardwon: Bridge and tunnel?

Moonshine: Can I inspect the fingernails of our fellow train-riders and see if anyone's got dirt under their fingers?

DM Murph: The guys who got on the train with you guys, there are two human construction worker guys who for sure have dirt under their nails.

Moonshine: Okay, so I go over to them and I say, "Hey, y'all. I'm an assistant for one of those high-falutin, up-in-the-hills hobbit people. Halfling, pardon me."

DM Murph: [as construction workers] "Ugh, y'know, we're working for the Pebblepots, and I gotta say: that guy is annoying. Do you know him?"

Beverly: [in fake accent] "Oi, dem Pebblepots is the worst, they is!"

Hardwon: I pick up Beverly and put him on my lap.

Moonshine: I put my hand on Beverly, and I shove him away.

Hardwon: "Sorry about my idiot son. I won't disturb your conversation any longer."

Beverly: [in fake accent] "I'm a common folk like youses, I am, I am."

Hardwon: "There, there!"

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "Is that your son or is that a halfling?"

Hardwon: "He is my idiot son. I had him when I was very young."

DM Murph: Roll a persuasion check.

Beverly: "I was born sick!"

Hardwon: That is a... 12.

DM Murph: Okay, this guy looks at you and goes, "I know what a Halfling is, man, why are you lying to me?"

Beverly: [in fake accent] "I'm adopted, I am!" And I roll persuasion.

DM Murph: Go ahead, roll a persuasion check.

Moonshine: "I have no clue who these people are, honestly.”

DM Murph: Roll a persuasion check, Moonshine.

Moonshine: Ooh! I got a 20.

DM Murph: Okay, he believes Moonshine that she doesn't know who you guys are.

Moonshine: "If this is a private conversation, sir, that you need to- I don't know who these people are, if they're your friends, I can stop bothering you."

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "They're not my friends, but I believe this kid- you're adopted, but this isn't your dad. Have you been kidnapped? Are you okay?"

Beverly: [in fake accent] "Quit takin' the piss out me dad, he's me adopted pop."

Hardwon: "Hey, he's right. And he's a moron. I'm sorry, I'm just gonna go back to watching the sunset."

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "That's abusive."

Beverly: [in fake accent] "I'm a dirty boy, I am, because I work in the streets.”

DM Murph: He turns to Moonshine. [as construction worker] "Look, it's been a long day of work. What's up?"

Moonshine: "Uh, I was gonna ask you about some stuff, but, if you wanna deal with this, I can, y'know, I can uh..."

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "Deal with what? These crazy people on the train?”

Moonshine: "I don't know who they are, or if they're your friends or anything.”

Hardwon: Hardwon starts yelling, "Does anybody have any change? I don't wanna bother anybody!"

Beverly: [in fake accent] "Spare some gold!"

DM Murph: You see everybody puts their heads down and pretends to not hear you.

Hardwon: Alright, now Moonshine can continue her conversation.

Beverly: [in fake accent] "Oi! Show time! Show time!" I start dancing.

Hardwon: Everyone is ignoring the shit out of us now.

DM Murph: Okay, he turns to you, Moonshine. [as construction worker] "These people are nuts!"

Moonshine: "Yeah, I don't know what's going on."

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "I thought you were with them. I saw you with them at the train station."

Moonshine: "Just because we got on at the same station doesn't mean I have anything to do with these knuckleheads."

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "Amen, sister. I got nothing to do with them either."

Moonshine: "Basically, I'm trying to get down- I got vague instructions from one of my halfling bosses, that he needs something repaired by a bear or a rat man or something like that, down at the docks? And he's sending me on this hare-brain mission, I don't know. I'm just wondering if you can point me in the direction of either of these repairmen.

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "I mean, if you go down to the docks, you'll find the shipyard. I do construction for the people up on upper Galaderon, so I don't work in the shipyard personally, so I don't anybody who works there. I have seen a rat... guy, and a bear guy, who are friends."

Moonshine: "Yeah, yeah, that's who he's talking about.

DM Murph: [as construction worker] "Yeah, I've seen them hanging out at the Hunter and the Bow, that's a tavern down in lower Galaderon, but if you're looking for the shipyard, yeah, the shipyard’s down by the ocean, that's where they repair the airships."

Moonshine: "Great, that's helpful. Yeah, okay, great, thanks. I really appreciate it, man."

Hardwon: Hardwon is just beatboxing as Beverly dances.

[everyone laughs]

DM Murph: Guys, do a performance check to see if anybody throws you any copper.

Hardwon: That's an 11.

Beverly: Yeah, I got an 11 as well.

DM Murph: Cool, I'm going to roll a d4 to see how much gold you guys earn. [rolls] You guys got one gold.

Moonshine: Gold? Whoa!

Hardwon: Alright!

Beverly: Woo! I bite it. "Oi, me teeth!"

DM Murph: It's a real gold piece, brother. Cool, so you guys get down to lower Galaderon.

Moonshine: Again, I exit separately from them to maintain the illusion that I'm not with them.

Beverly: Yep, we double back around.

Moonshine: And then I meet up with them. And I'm like, "Okay, so this is what he told me. We could just go straight down to the docks or we could go to the Hunter and the Bow."

Hardwon: "Let's go to the Hunter and the Bow, if that’s where they are."

Moonshine: "Seems like that's going to be easier than try to knock on-”

Hardwon: I hold up that single gold piece and I'm like, "Drinks are on me."

DM Murph: He said he has seen them there before, not that they would be there tonight.

Moonshine: "Guess we can go to the docks then."

Beverly: "We should probably head to the docks. Also, what did you think of my commoner accent? I thought it was pretty good."

Moonshine: "I thought that you definitely endangered us yet again."

[laughter]

Beverly: "Okay, alright. Good to know. I'll just use my normal voice from here on out. Thank you, scout mistress."

Hardwon: "Normal voice or accent voice, you also don't have to use it all the time."

Beverly: "So, just don't talk..."

Hardwon: "Sometimes."

Beverly: "Silence? Yeah? Okay."

Moonshine: "I would say sometimes you paint the best picture by not just throwing a bunch of colors at the wall."

Beverly: "Sometimes the best picture is a still life."

Moonshine: "Exactly, exactly."

Beverly: "Cool."

Hardwon: "Alright, so do you guys want to go case the docks and see if we see them? And then if not, we go to the-"

Moonshine: "Yeah, I got something I want to do to try and gather some intel from them."

Beverly: "I have something I want to try as well, but I'll let you do your thing first."

DM Murph: Cool, so you guys make your way through lower Galaderon. You see that there are modest cottages and shelters tightly packed together. There are blacksmiths and tanners and miners packing up for the day. Some of them are going to this tavern, the Hunter and the Bow. There's a thick smell of sweat in the air. Unlike Ezry, where the outer rim was complete poverty, these are just a hardworking people doing their thing. As you guys pass the Hunter and the Bow, you do see Ol Cobb. As you look through the open door, you see Ol’ Cobb drinking by himself at the bar.

Hardwon: Can I see if we see-

Moonshine: [excitedly] "Ol’ Cobb!"

Beverly: "He looks lonely."

Hardwon: Can I look past Ol Cobb and see if I see a mouse or a bear creature in there?

DM Murph: You do not see a mousefolk or a bear creature in there.

Hardwon: Okay, got it.

Moonshine: Let's kinda be really discreet about going in. Not make a big deal, ‘cause we might be back here later.

DM Murph: Cool. So are you guys entering the bar?

Hardwon: Yeah.

DM Murph: Great. So you guys enter the bar-

Beverly: Instantly attacked.

Hardwon: [Laughter] Roll initiative. No!

Moonshine: [Laughter]

DM Murph: Ol' Cobb is drinking. There’s this grizzled old dwarf bartender who is serving Ol' Cobb.

Moonshine: Yeah we'll go up to Ol' Cobb.

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Moonshine, how you doing out there? "

Moonshine: [with fondness] "Oh the jokes already start!"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Oh you gave me that call. I looked for The Widow, Ol' Cobb couldn't find her and Ol' Cobb's a hell of a tracker."

Moonshine: "He is."

Hardwon: "You're the best, Ol' Cobb."

Moonshine: "He is."

Hardwon: "They don't make ‘em like you anymore."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "They sure as hell don't. I'm three hundred and seventy five years old. "

Hardwon: "God damn, Ol' Cobb, can I buy you a beer?"

Moonshine: [with reverence] "Wow. Grizzled."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "You sure as hell can." You see he pounds a whiskey back. "Guess I'm mixing drinks tonight."

Hardwon: "Haha! Good man Ol' Cobb!"

Moonshine: [elongated; impressed] “Ol’ Cobb!”

Beverly: I just smell him. I just take him in with my nose.

DM Murph: He smells like shoe polish and whiskey.

Beverly: Hell yeah!

Hardwon: I love Ol' Cobb.

Moonshine: [affectionately] Ol’ Cobb!

Beverly: I'm drunk on Ol' Cobb.

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "You want a drink young guy? "

Hardwon: "No."

Moonshine: "No!"

Hardwon: "He's staying sober tonight."

Beverly: "Well…"

Moonshine: "Ol' Cobb we're gonna meet up with you later."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb, to Beverly] "Grow some hair on that chest, huh?"

Beverly: "Oh, is that how you do it?"

Moonshine: "Oh that's his dream."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] [slurred] "Yeah."

Beverly: "Is that the trick?"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Yeah. I got your call last night. After your call I went up to the corner that you mentioned but, there wasn’t nobody there. Had Ol' Cobb a little worried. So what happened? "

Moonshine: "Basically, The Widow appeared. She had undead servants. They went after Galad. What's your read on Galad? Do you know Galad Rosell?”

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb]"Galad Rosell… "

Beverly: "He's kind of a local hero?"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Captain if The Chosen. I'm familiar."

Moonshine: "What's your read on him? You take a liking to him, or...?"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Hmm… Doesn't turn his nose up at Crick folks, but, then again, takes a little bit to get Ol' Cobb's trust."

Moonshine: "Alright. Fair. Fair. Fair."

Beverly: "Fair enough."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "I don't know him, so I wouldn't pass judgement."

Moonshine: "So, basically, they go after Galad and she ‘peaces.’ I go after her. She tells me that Galad killed her husband and then she takes a knife to her neck and turns into fog. "

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] [confused] "I'm so sorry. Tell Ol' Cobb exactly what's goin' on."

Moonshine: "Alright, Ol' Cobb, I just did."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Walk me through it, ‘cause Ol' Cobb's been around the block a couple times."

Moonshine: "Y'all I don't know if I wanna do this song and dance."

DM Murph: "What, she killed herself? You gotta tell-"

Beverly: "There's a lot of booze on your breath, sir."

Moonshine: "Yeah, I'm starting to worry that you're kind of drunk-”

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Yeah, Ol' Cobb's a little drunk, but-”

Moonshine: "- and that this is maybe a dead end."

Beverly: "I think I might-"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Ol' Cobb's been around the block a couple times. You let Ol' Cobb talk, he might tell you somethin'."

Moonshine: "Okay."

Hardwon: "Go ahead."

Beverly: "Okay."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Alright." He holds up the wanted poster. "You think it's a little funny that somebody who's out there killin’ the Chosen, trying to kill Galad Rosell, is wanted alive?"

Beverly: "Yeah. I would say."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Maybe she can die and come back."

Beverly: [in realisation] "Ahhhh."

Moonshine: "Yeah, I assumed as much."

Beverly: "I'm just trying to think about who stands to gain if all of The Chosen are killed and the Septon gets to remain in place without a new one being chosen, what with Dr. Merrick having been killed, and there's only one person I can think of."

Moonshine: "Oh my. You gonna cast blame on that poor old Hubert's name?"

Beverly: "No! It couldn't be Hubert. I think that it… Gosh, this seems bad to say... I don't think I can even say it. I think that I'll get in trouble just for saying it."

Hardwon: "Say it, Bev."

Beverly: "Could it be the Queen Mother? Could it be her?"

Hardwon: "The Queen Mother."

Moonshine: "Ohhh."

Beverly: "She's the only one that stands to gain. She's the regent who stands beside our precious boy king. Our sweet little boy. I don't think he's to blame. But if the balance of power doesn't shift-"

Moonshine: "I like this theory."

Beverly: "It could be her. I think we've gotta keep an eye on her is all I'm saying."

Moonshine: "Yeah."

Hardwon: "I don't trust the Queen."

Beverly: [distressed] "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for even suggesting it!"

Moonshine: "No!"

Hardwon: "I don't trust anybody in a position of authority."

Moonshine: "No. I like it."

Hardwon: "But I think the King's also a piece of shit."

Beverly: I pull out a coin with the Queen's face on it and start kissing it.

DM Murph: [Laughter]

Moonshine: "Interesting. Well, Ol' Cobb, we are gonna go do a little investigating, but I know you got that stone on you- I'd love to meet up later."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "You give Ol' Cobb a call."

Hardwon: "Hey, if you see somebody that looks like a mouse, or anybody that looks like a bear, you call us."

Moonshine: "Yeah. Yeah."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb]"That's new information for me, but alright."

Moonshine: "Oh, correct. Yes."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "I'll call you on my rock phone."

Hardwon: "Nice."

Moonshine: "Yep."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "My stone phone."

Moonshine: "Can I put my- how do I put my stone on silent so if i'm in the middle of a sneak your phone call doesn't interrupt me?"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Tell you what, how bout I don't call you, you call me?"

Moonshine: "Okay. Sounds good."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "You call me when you're done, I'll tell you if I see a mouse folk or a bear folk."

Hardwon: "You're the man, Ol' Cobb."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "Hey, you're the man, Hardwon and you're-"

Beverly: "Thanks Ol' Cobb!"

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "And you're the man Beverly and you're the woman, Moonshine Cybin."

Moonshine: "I prefer bitch, but thank you."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "I would never call you that, but if you would like to refer to yourself as that I feel that's your right. And that's just how Ol' Cobb feels about the situation."

Hardwon: "Ol' Cobb, you are woke!"

Moonshine: [Laughter]

Beverly: "I love Ol' Cobb. You're like Sam Waterstone with big ol' ears."

DM Murph: [as Ol’ Cobb] "You know, I've been around a while."

Beverly: "-Sam Elliot."

Hardwon: "Alright, let's go back. Let's go to the docks."

Moonshine: "Yeah, alright we'll be the docks if you need us."

Beverly: I just want to clarify that I meant Sam Elliot.

DM Murph: [Laughter] Yeah. So you guys go down to the shipyard. The shipyard is all the way down on the water, on the ocean. If you guys didn't know any better it would look like a normal marina. There are docks made of wooden planks with many boats docked throughout. But these are airships. So the fact that they are in the water means that they are out of commission. The workers down here fix up the ships until they’re ready to be back in the air. Which is a little bit of a sad existence because these guys all have extensive knowledge of the inner workings of an airship, but are landlocked.

So you guys are down here. It's after quittin’ time. It is dark. Are you guys sneaking around? What are you guys doing?

Moonshine: We're sneaking around, but I would also like to look for, like, a Crickgull...

DM Murph: Okay, you can probably find like a seagull or something. So, first of all, go ahead and roll me a stealth check, because there is a drunk dock worker stumbling around on the docks.

Hardwon: Oh hell yeah. You're not gonna see me!

Moonshine: I got a...

DM Murph: Did you do Pass Without A Trace?

Moonshine: 24.

Hardwon: I got a 22.

DM Murph: Okay.

Beverly: I got an 18.

DM Murph: This drunk guy does not notice you guys he's just stumbling about going, [drunken, off-key, slow singing] "I used to fly in the air. Now I live in the docks." And he passes out and he falls asleep.

Moonshine: "Oh, what if he used to be some kind of bird? Why would you fly in the air?"

Hardwon: "I think he used to be like a-"

Moonshine: "Hot air balloon?"

Hardwon: "Hot air balloon pilot."

Beverly: [whispered intervention] "He's talking about the airships."

Hardwon: "Yeah, the airship pilot."

Moonshine: [in agreement] "Oh."

Beverly: "Yeah. They've all been taken out of commission."

Moonshine: "So, if anyone has anything else they'd like to do, that's cool, but I'm looking for a Crickgull or whatever you call them here."

DM Murph: A gull... I mean, you could walk out onto the dock and find a gull pretty easily.

Moonshine: Yeah, that's what I want.

Beverly: You specifically want a gull?

DM Murph: Walking onto a dock, you- do you wanna cast Speak With Animals?

Moonshine: Yeah. I'd like to say-

DM Murph: [squawking like a gull]

Moonshine: "You ever seen a rat and a bear spending time together?"

DM Murph: [In a high pitched breaking bird voice] "That would be silly! I seen a rat and a bear on a boat here."

Moonshine: "Would you- may I cast a spell that gives me a link to your brain so we can kiss brains and you can go take a look at them?"

DM Murph: [as the Crickgull] "Kiss braaaiiiiins."

Beverly: [cracks the hell up at Murph’s silly bird voice]

Moonshine: Okay, I cast- let me see how long it lasts. Okay, it lasts for a while. I'd like to cast Beast Bond on him.

Beverly: Wow.

DM Murph: Okay, great.

Moonshine: And then I say, "Why don't you go to that ship where that silly rat and that silly bear are hanging out and-"

DM Murph: [as the Crickgull] "They're frieeeeends."

Moonshine: "Yeah, and then tell me what they're talking ‘bout."

DM Murph: [The Crickgull squawks twice.] This gull takes off and starts flying over this one ship.

Moonshine: "What are they saying? Get in closer! What are they saying? I wanna hear that silly conversation."

DM Murph: [as the Crickgull] "Okaaaay." You see it flies in and then you hear a thwack... and he flies back over and he goes, "The rat slapped me."

Moonshine: "Okay, try again. And this time, pretend like you're playing hide-and-go-seek."

DM Murph: [as the Crickgull] "Okaaaaay." You see in the distance the bird goes in, and doesn't come out and you don't hear any more from the bird.

Hardwon: But now we know what ship it is. Let's stealth over to the ship.

Beverly: Stealth over to that ship, right?

Moonshine: “Excuse me everyone, I just sentenced a gull to death.”

Beverly: "We gotta go save that gull!"

Hardwon: [Laughter]

Moonshine: "I don't think they're just, like, taunting him, I think he's dead."

Beverly: "We don't even know its name."

Moonshine: "Oh Melora, I was too cavalier with his life."

Beverly: "Too coy, yeah."

Moonshine: "Okay, well that's the ship. I'm just gonna stealth over there to try and spy."

DM Murph: Okay. Roll stealth.

Moonshine: I got 19.

DM Murph: Okay, you just barely passed.

Beverly: Yeah, they got big ears.

DM Murph: So Moonshine, you sneak up to the ship, and you see that there is indeed a mouse folk and a bear folk working on this one ship. They're the only workers that are still working. You see the mouse folk clearly had red fur at some point but it's mostly turned grey. He wears a dirty white shirt under a brown vest and a little newsboy cap.

Hardwon: Cute!

Moonshine: [echoing Hardwon] Cute!

DM Murph: He's carrying a rapier and a dagger on his belt. The bear folk is this big hulking bear who wears only a dark green vest. He's got a shield and a spear on his back.

Hardwon: And are they eating a seagull?

DM Murph: The bear is eating a seagull.

Beverly: Nooo!!!

DM Murph: He is indeed eating a seagull.

Moonshine: "Oh Melora! What a terrible death. He could have died of old age but I sentenced him to cannibalism."

DM Murph: And you see the mouse folk turns up to the bear folk and he goes. [as the mouse folk; New York accent with a tinge of urgency] "Gunther would you focus for a second, would ya stop eatin' that damn goose or whatever the hell it is." And you hear the bear go [like a cartoon bear growl] "Aww. Aaaaaw". And the mouse goes, "I know it's an airship. I know we don't gotta worry about any leaks but what happens if you're in the air and you slip through a hole and fall a few miles to your death? Think, Gunther! Think!" and he's just quietly nailing a plank in the airship.

Moonshine: I'd like to take note of where that plank is.

DM Murph: Cool. There are lots of holes in this airship. This is a broken down airship that these guys are quietly trying to fix. They’re trying not to get caught.

Beverly: They're trying to make it air-worthy it seems?

DM Murph: Yes. Yes.

Moonshine: Okay. I run back and I tell everyone what I heard. "So I'm wondering if they're trying to create some kind of escape vehicle?"

Beverly: "Seems that way. I think we might need to try and garner more information from them."

Hardwon: "Where are they trying to go?"

Moonshine: "I mean, I got one of their names. The bear’s name is Gunther. If one of us wants to waltz in and pretend like someone sent us for Gunther, or perhaps even pretend to be from the queen."

Beverly: "I've- ohhh. Interesting."

Moonshine: "That would be really placing a lot of stock in that theory."

Beverly: "That's a lot of weight on that theory. I don't know how sturdy the legs are on that theory."

Moonshine: "Young Bev, I know you had some thought-"

Beverly: "I've got another idea. Do y'all want to just be ready to come to my aid in case it goes sour?"

Moonshine: "Tell us what you're gonna do first I think."

Hardwon: "Just try not to do a bear mating call."

Beverly: What I do is I pull out the vials of R. Cane that I've been holding and I say-

Hardwon: Hardwon's eyes go big.

DM Murph: Wait, who has- how do you have R.Cane?

Beverly: Hardwon gave me the leftover R.Cane.

DM Murph: Ohhh.

Beverly: From Ezry.

DM Murph: So you have one vial. Yes.

Beverly: Yeah. "I wanna see if they'd be interested in making an exchange."

Hardwon: "R. Cane for what?"

Beverly: "Information."

Moonshine: "For information?"

Hardwon: "You think they're drug addicts?"

Beverly: "I think that everyone wants to get their hands on something illicit. It's probably worth a lot on the black market, and these-"

Moonshine: "I'm honestly into this idea-"

Beverly: "these animals-"

Moonshine: "-’cause i'll stealth and be there in the event of something going wrong."

Beverly: "Let's just consider the facts. These animals are up to no good. They're clearly doing devious tasks under the guise of moonlight. I think they might be into some drugs. Worth a shot, huh?"

Moonshine: I'm gonna let you decide, Hardwon, ‘cause I know that Moonshine has a taste for the dramatic.

Hardwon: “Well I'd hate to see my R.Cane leave. I like knowing that it's close cause I'm closet addicted.”

Beverly: "Okay, so I think this is gonna be a good plan for multiple reasons."

Hardwon: Hardwon doth protest too much.

Beverly: So I'm gonna walk over. Is there a door or a hatch or something? Where are they on the ship?

Moonshine: Where's the hatch?

DM Murph: They're in the middle of the ship fixing planks. So I'm gonna roll a perception check if you're just gonna waltz right up there.

Moonshine: "Go in there pretending like you're from some- do we know any crime bosses? Say that you're from Skullis!"

Beverly: "Oh yeah. I'll say that."

DM Murph: Cool.

Moonshine: They might know Skullis.

DM Murph: Bev, as you're approaching, roll a perception check.

Beverly: Okay.... [rolls dice]. Uh, I got a 1. I get to reroll that though.

Moonshine: Reroll! Reroll, lucky halfling!

DM Murph: Yeah, reroll.

Hardwon: [singing] Luckyyyy!

Beverly: Luckyyyy!

Moonshine: [Singing] Dun dun dun dun dun du- oh my goood.

Beverly: [Laughing hysterically in the background]

Moonshine: Band of 2’s delivers.

Hardwon: That's insane.

DM Murph: The band of 2’s always delivers.

Moonshine: 2 boobs!

DM Murph: Bev, as you walk up, you get to the ship. Nobody's on it.

Hardwon: It's a magic ship.

Moonshine: Yeah, cause he's an idiot, he has no perception, right?

Beverly: Okay, alright, so there's gotta be some sort of like-

Hardwon: They're hiding. They heard you approach, now they're hiding.

Moonshine: Real quick question though. Do we think that we want Hardwon to join you and pretend to be part of this or shall we send Bev on his own?

Beverly: "Hardwon let's do the classic 'drug dealer/valet.'"

Hardwon: "The good cop, bad cop?"

Beverly: "The classic swindle, yeah."

Hardwon: "Good cop, dumb cop.... bad cop, dumb cop."

Moonshine: "Yeah uh, Beverly needs something to waste his good rolls on."

[Laughter]

Hardwon: Yeah. I'll go up to the ship, but I wanna posit something to you guys.

Moonshine and Beverly: Yeah.

Hardwon: Is there anything to just telling them that Bev's dad was framed for murdering the high priest and we're looking for information?

Beverly: I don't think they would trust anything resembling a cop, is my thoughts.

Moonshine: I would say if we were gonna try that, we send just one of us in to not ruin the rest of our good names.

Beverly: That seems smart. Should we just knock on the boat?

Hardwon: I guess- yeah, I mean we have to talk to 'em.

Moonshine: I'm stealthin', I'm not here.

Beverly: Yeah, that's good.

Hardwon: Yeah, you hang back, I'm gonna go in and see- I'll talk with Bev.

DM Murph: Cool.

Moonshine: Okay.

DM Murph: You walk up to the dock-

Hardwon: Let's start with drugs and then we'll go on to the truth if it doesn't work.

Beverly: Yeah, drugs first, truth second. Love it.

DM Murph: Cool. Go ahead.

Beverly: Alright, so we bang on the side of the boat.

Hardwon: Yep.

Beverly: Wait, I think we do like a practice knock.

Hardwon: A polite knock.

DM Murph: Great.

Beverly: Yeah.

DM Murph: No response.

Beverly: Hmm. I say into the air, "I know you're on there, and I'm here from Skullis to see if you're interested in his wares."

DM Murph: Roll a deception check.

Beverly: [rolls dice]

Moonshine: That was good though.

Hardwon: He's getting better.

Moonshine: [proudly] I know!

Beverly: Deception?

DM Murph: Yeah.

Beverly: Or can I use persuasion?

DM Murph: You could use either.

Beverly: Okay, persuasion's gonna be a 20.

DM Murph: You hear a sigh. "Ugh, kid. We're not- I don't want any drugs. Get the hell out of here."

Beverly: "This isn't just any drugs, sir. This is one of Skullis' finest, direct from the bubble city of Ezry. This can make you do things, this can make you be things. You can forget your old life, you can start a new one with just one sip."

DM Murph: You hear- these guys have not poked their head out or anything, they're still just hiding on the ship, and you hear the dude just go, [exasperated] "Yeah okay. Get the fuck outta here."

Hardwon: "Okay, you don't want drugs. But how do you feel about uncovering the truth?"

DM Murph: "Uhh... don't give a shit."

Hardwon: "Okay."

Beverly: Okay, alright. I think hopefully, while we are distracting them with our pitch, Moonshine maybe is stealthing onto the boat?

Moonshine: Sure.

DM Murph: Do you wanna stealth, Moonshine?

Moonshine: Yeah.

DM Murph: Go ahead and roll a stealth check.

Beverly: Two 4s.

Moonshine: Two 4s in a row.

DM Murph: [Laughter]

Moonshine: But I do have 6 stealth, so 10.

DM Murph: Okay. First off, do me a perception check. They saw you. Whether or not you saw them is up for debate.

Moonshine: [Rolls dice] It's gonna be a 9.

DM Murph: Okay. Moonshine you sneak onto the boat. You hear a voice go, "Ah shit, Gunther, I know she's not ready but I think we gotta take off."

Moonshine: [yelling, in a high voice]"Gunther! I'm pregnant!"

[Laughter]

DM Murph: Suddenly you guys hear some scrambling and, Moonshine, as you're sneaking onto the boat, you see the rat dude at the front of the ship, the part facing the ocean. He's taking the steering wheel, and he goes to grab a lever next to it. What do you guys do? Cause you guys aren't on the boat, Hardwon and Beverly.

Beverly: Oh shit.

Hardwon: Okay.

Beverly: [indecisively] Hop on the boat...

DM Murph: Three, two, one...

Hardwon: We're hopping on the boat.

Beverly: [panicked] Yeah, hop on the boat. Hop on the boat!

DM Murph: Are you guys on?

Hardwon: We're on the boat!

DM Murph: You guys are on? Great.

Hardwon: I'm on the boat!

DM Murph: Okay, so you guys see this rat pull down the lever. Suddenly there's an explosion out of the back of the ship as a rear thruster ignites and blows up a big part of the dock behind it. The ship rockets into the sea like a plane on the runway and, as you brace yourself to not fly off the deck, the bear dude reveals himself from behind the mast and begins charging at you with the wind whipping around him. Everyone, roll initiative.

Beverly: Hell yeah!

Hardwon: Ohhhh boy!

Moonshine: [worried] Oh my.

Beverly: "It's not too late if you just want the drugs!"

Moonshine: 8.

Hardwon: 9.

Beverly: Nat 20.

Moonshine: Ooh!

Hardwon: Hell yeah!

DM Murph: Nice.

Beverly: Forgive me sensei. I must go all out. Beverly is feeling very ready to prove himself.

DM Murph: Bev, you act first.

Beverly: Okay, I wanna cast- who's driving the plane?

Moonshine: The little rat.

DM Murph: The mouse folk guy.

Beverly: I wanna cast Command on the mouse folk.

DM Murph: Go for it.

Beverly: Okay.

DM Murph: [rolls dice] He passes. He's very smart.

Beverly: Dammit. [sarcastically] That was my Action. Cool.

DM Murph: Cool. That is Gunther. Gunther charges forward at you, Beverly.

Beverly: [Indignantly] Fine.

DM Murph: That is gonna be a 24 to hit.

Beverly: Oh, that's gonna hit.

DM Murph: That's 14 damage-

Beverly: Okay.

DM Murph: On his first hit. He is going to take a second attack, [rolls dice] and he's gonna miss and he takes a third attack with his spear, and he is going to get a 21 to hit. I'm gonna assume that hits.

Beverly: Ughh. Yeah.

DM Murph: Another 10 damage.

Beverly: Okay.

Hardwon: Wow.

Beverly: I'm at 2 HP.

DM Murph: Cool. He is a big bear who is strong.

Beverly: [dejected] He's a big bear man. That's fair, he's a bear. Cool. Cool.

DM Murph: That is... that is Hardwon.

Hardwon: Cool. I guess... should I grapple the bear? Try to like-

Moonshine: I wonder-

Hardwon: I still feel like these guys are good guys. I don't wanna kill 'em.

Moonshine: I know, that's why I think that we shouldn't- I don't think that we should try to kill them.

Beverly: No, I agree.

Hardwon: I'm gonna yell to this rat guy. I'm just gonna pick up my pickaxe and say "I will fucking tear this ship apart and bring us all down if you don't relax and talk to us."

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "Look, man. I don't know who you are, kid, but Gunther ain't stopping for anything. We're taking this thing into the sky."

Hardwon: "No, you're not. You wanna know who I am? I'm Hardwon Surefoot. Pride of the dwarphanage. Bastard of the mountain. I've borne further into Irondeep than anybody else, and I will tear the FUCK out of your ship."

DM Murph: This guy takes his eyes off the prize and looks back at you, and he goes, [as mouse folk] "You said- you said you were... from a dwarphanage?"

Hardwon: "Yeah."

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "Holy fuckin’ shit. Gunther, don't kill 'em. Don't kill 'em! Alright, we're going up! We're going up!" You guys all take off into the sky together. Finally the airship finishes its ascent. You’re now fully in the air. Gunther climbs up the mast and lets down these giant sails that allow the ship to just glide and the mouse folk walks over to you, Hardwon. "Elias?"

Beverly: [giggling in shock and excitement] Ohhh god!

Hardwon: "That's my fucking dad."

Moonshine: [awed] Oh Melora.

Hardwon: "You know my father?"

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "You're like the spitting image of him."

[boat creaks as a pregnant silence falls]

Hardwon: [quietly; swallowing his words] "You knew my father?"

DM Murph: "Uh... welcome to the S.S. Stormborn."

Hardwon: "Oh my god."

Moonshine: I knew there'd be a cool name. Everyone told me there wouldn't be a cool name.

Beverly: There's gotta be a cool name.

Hardwon: "This is my parents' ship."

Moonshine: Holy-

DM Murph: "This is your father's ship."

Beverly: "Hi, I'm Beverly Toegold V, my dad is in big trouble."

Hardwon: [Laughter]

Moonshine: I put my hand over his mouth and say, "Let Hardwon have a damn moment, child."

Hardwon: "I spent my entire life in the mountain. Are you telling me my father spent his in the sky?"

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "Kid, your dad was the best Captain that I ever worked for. Since he died, we've been trying to get this baby back into the sky, and it's like the- you know, I don't believe in a higher power, but the first time she gets back up and you're here? Kid, I haven't seen you since I dropped you off at the dwarphanage."

Beverly: [gasps]

Hardwon: "You? You brought me to the dwarphanage?"

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "I'm your uncle Red, kid. Nice to meet ya. And it's nice to meet you guys too." And this mouse folk shakes your guys' hand.

Hardwon: Hardwon's just looking out through the front of the airship, seeing all the lights of Galaderon twinking... sparkling. I turn to Red and I just say, "What?"

DM Murph: [as Red] "I mean, your dad was the best airship pilot in all of Bahumia. I was his first mate.”

Hardwon: [smile clear in his voice] "I'm very, very excited."

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "Yeah. Kid, I'm excited too. She wasn't ready. You guys spooked us. I thought you were one of The Chosen or something, you guys were coming down to arrest us or something, but we've been trying to steal this baby back for a long time."

Hardwon: "Well, where are we headed, Uncle?"

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "I mean, we're getting the hell out of dodge, man."

Beverly: "Listen, we-"

Moonshine: "Oh. You weren't fixin' this up for anyone else. You were fixin' it up for yourself. You got tied up in something you didn't wanna be involved in anymore?"

Beverly: "Yeah, we were told you were working with, uh, maybe some nefarious folk, but seems we got some bad information."

DM Murph: [as mouse folk] "I mean..." You see he looks down and he goes, "[long sigh] what do you mean nefarious folk?"

Moonshine: "The Widow."

Beverly: "Do you know The Widow?"

Moonshine: "Which, for the record, I don't necessarily know that she's nefarious."

DM Murph: [Red exhales deeply] "It's kind of neither here or there but uh... that's your mom, kid."

Hardwon: “... What the fuck?!"

DM Murph: And that's where we'll end our episode!

Moonshine: [Laughter]

Hardwon: [releasing tension] Wooooooo.

DM Murph: As you guys fly off.

Hardwon: Was I calling my mom hot for a little bit?

Beverly: A little bit.

Moonshine: Oh, I'm sorry about how much I wanted to fuck your mom. I think I said something about being a crumb in her coffee cake.

Hardwon: That's alright, dude. Now I know where Hardwon got the cheekbones from.

Moonshine: I'm sorry. That's so rude!

Beverly: Damn.

Moonshine: Real quick, that means that Galad murdered your dad.

Beverly: Ohhh, you were so wrong to doubt him!

Hardwon: Oh my god, Galad murdered my dad!

Moonshine: No, he wasn't wrong to doubt him. He's correct to doubt him.

Beverly: Oh, I was wrong to doubt him. I was-

Moonshine: You were wrong to not doubt him.

Beverly: Yeah. That one.

Hardwon: Whoa. Alright, this is-

Moonshine: I'm kinda glad. I'm galad that when I Misty Stepped to her, I was like [indecisive moan]. I don't know if I- I'm glad that I didn't try to fight her or anything like that. I was like, I think I might be on your side. I don't know about Galad.

Hardwon: Yeah. Man. Our instincts were right.

Beverly: It seems like multiple factions are at play.

Hardwon: Holy shit.

Beverly: Oh boy.

Moonshine: Oh stop trying to redeem Galad's name. Multiple factions are at play?

Beverly: I'm just saying you gotta consider both sides.

Moonshine: You were a Galad fanboy.

Hardwon: I knew I didn't like him from the beginning for a reason!

DM Murph: Oh boy.

Beverly: Oh, what an episode.

DM Murph: Guys, it was fun. Guys, please review the show. Reviews help us so much. Please also follow us on twitter. @chmurph is me, @JakeHurwitz is Jake, @caldy is Caldwell, @eaxford is Emily. Guys, check out me and Emily's book, Hey U Up? How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact. It's also on Audible, so you can get the audiobook. Anyone else got anything to plug?

Beverly: Tweet about the podcast using #NADDPod! Also, watch Drawfee.

Moonshine: Oooh, yeah!

DM Murph: And listen to If I Were You.

Hardwon: That's my other one.

DM Murph: Caldwell, if they wanna send something to us where do they send it?

Beverly: You can do it to 1920 Hillhurst Avenue, Number 222 Los Feliz California, 90027. Got a bunch of stuff in there right now. People have been sending us a lot of fun things. I'll have some shoutouts in upcoming episodes, but thank you so much and please keep sending us stuff because it fills our hearts with joy and we use them as totems to interact with our gods.

DM Murph: Yes.

Moonshine: And Jake, you got a big ole world tour!

Hardwon: Yes. If you guys live in Dublin or Amsterdam or nearby, come check us out. Our last few shows, people have been yelling out references from this podcast at Amir, which has been really really nice.

[Laughter]

Hardwon: So, come on you crazy Irish folk and make me proud.

DM Murph: Yeah guys, if you wanna tweet about the show tweet about it with #NADDPod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D, baby.

All: [singing] We are we are-

Moonshine: Wait, can I sing this?

Beverly: Yeah.

Moonshine: [singing] The young'uns of Bahumia.

[Laughter]

All: We are we are... the younguns of Bahumia… [fades out]