The Mating Habits of Bullywugs

Our almost-heroes continue their search for the missing Green Teens in the bog! Beverly makes use of his ropes AND mating call badge, Hardwon gets bark rash, and Moonshine debuts the fungal kiss of death. Listen to the end for shoutouts for our new reviewers!

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When Player Character’s words are in quotation marks they are speaking as their own character, unless otherwise specified in brackets.

1. When the Dungeon Master is speaking as a character, brackets will often but not always be added to increase clarity as to which character he’s speaking about or to. 

2. If a number is referred to in the context of D&D they will always be written numerically (ex: I rolled a 2).  If a number is referred to in general context, it will be written in text (ex: “Three heads is enough, Hardwon”)

3. Vocal tics are left in when they appear to be a character choice and are taken out when this does not appear to be the case.

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DM Murph: [Intro] Welcome to the campaign after the campaign, this is Not Another DnD Podcast.

DM Murph: Welcome back to Bahumia, I'm your Dungeon Master Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz, Caldwell Tanner and Emily Axford.

Moonshine: That's Moonshine.

Beverly: Hello!

Hardwon: Hola. [laughter] Actually Hardwon does not know Spanish.

DM Murph: Is that Hardwon Surefoot's -

Moonshine: Languages -

Hardwon: How do you say hello in Dwarven?

Moonshine: Languages: Dwarven and Spanish, but only because he worked in a Mexican restaurant.

Hardwon: I know “quesadilla”, I know a lot.

Beverly: You found a magical stone called Duolingo.

DM Murph: Cool, so guys let's a little recap and we can keep it loose and kinda talk through it, but last session the party was at the Hungry Trout Inn and Tavern, that's where you started -

Moonshine: Mishka!

DM Murph: -where you'd just decapitated some troublesome barbarian folk, some of the townspeople and Mishka, the half-orc bartender, helped you hide the bodies -

Hardwon: Killed Kruk, is that right?

Moonshine: Yeah, Kruk an' Gunashe? -

DM Murph: You guys killed Kruk.

Moonshine: No, Kruk and Garesh.

Hardwon: Garesh.

DM Murph: Garesh is not dead yet, Garesh is -

Hardwon: Oh, Garesh is the big guy.

DM Murph: Garesh is the head guy.

Beverly: Yeah.

Moonshine: Ohhh.

DM Murph: Mishka told you that Garesh was the leader, you have not killed Garesh. You have not even met Garesh.

Moonshine: Mishka was badass, bitch fought a [drawled] dragon.

DM Murph: She did tell you that her and a group of townspeople had fought the dragon before the heroes ever came, so she is kind of a badass.

Hardwon: Yeah.

Beverly: Yeah.

DM Murph: She explained to you guys that these barbarians were part of the Cracked Tooth Clan, and that they were pretty much running the town. Then you had your boy, Scoutmaster Denny took you to visit Shae-

Moonshine: Coward.

DM Murph: -the druid, at the temple, she was the grey haired ageless druid lady [laughter] -

Hardwon: So hot.

Moonshine: Oh my god, I just like wanna go to her yoga retreat in Belize.

Beverly: I wanna live in a yurt with her.

Moonshine: Oh my god, yes. Me and Shae in a yurt, just wrapped up in yoga mats [laughter].

Hardwon: That's what's keeping you warm in the bog right now, just that thought.

Beverly: Drowning in chia seeds.

DM Murph: So, she blessed you guys, she healed you up and she gave you some scrolls of water walking. But then you guys elected, instead of using the scrolls of water walking, you saved 'em. You elected to take a boat across, you snuck by that barbarian druid dude, then travelled to a dilapidated dock on the other side of the bay.

You headed into the swamp to search for the missing Green Teens who were dragged off by the Bullywugs. You picked up their trail and managed to kill a couple of the Bullywug scouts, I believe Hardwon chopped one in half -

Hardwon: That's correct.

DM Murph: -and Beverly stabbed one into a tree.

Beverly: A javelin, right through the heart, yeah.

Moonshine: I feel like you're really glossing over some of Hardwon's failures [laughter].

Hardwon: I don't remember those -

DM Murph: Those haven't happened yet.

Hardwon: [stumbling speech] uh, uh, continue with the recap!

Beverly and Moonshine: [laughter]

DM Murph: He was hit by, he was hit by two spears before that -

Hardwon: Was he?

DM Murph: You fell into a puddle later -

Hardwon: I dunno.

DM Murph: Then you guys fought a giant snake -

Hardwon: It was so long ago.

DM Murph: -that burst out of a murky pool water.

Hardwon: And Hardwon killed the snake! Let's get started with the episode!

DM Murph: Hardwon finished it off yelling "Oppa Aladdin style!" in reference, of course, to Beverly also yelling "Oppa Aladdin style!" earlier in the fight.

Beverly: Yeah.

DM Murph: Moonshine then cut up the snake-

Hardwon: For a jambalaya.

DM Murph: -to possibly make some jambalaya in the future.

Beverly: Yeah. Can we get a quick jambalaya recap? We have: a frog leg.

DM Murph: Yeah you do have a frog leg.

Beverly: And some snake skin, or just like, I guess a big hunk of snake.

Moonshine: Yeah, snake, frog….

Beverly: Uh huh.

Moonshine: Y'know, I - we -

DM Murph: This is gonna be a hell of a stinky jambalaya.

Hardwon: What else do you need?

Moonshine: It's gonna be a real aquatic jambalaya.

Beverly: No rice, no veggies. Just meat.

Hardwon: Hardwon is not hungry [laughter].

DM Murph: Okay, so let's get started. You guys are in this swamp, you've just killed this giant fifteen-foot long snake, body as thick as Hardwon's neck.

There's this pool of muddy water in front of you that seems to work like quicksand, Beverly lost his javelin there -

Beverly: RIP.

DM Murph: You guys have a -

Moonshine: Is it not frozen?

DM Murph: -pretty good idea of what happens.

Moonshine: Is it not frozen? I had frozen it [the muddy water].

DM Murph: No, it does not freeze because your spell doesn't work if there's a creature in there.

Beverly: Yup. No, it -

DM Murph: So that - I was just, for dramatic effect, saying that the snake burst through the ice.

Moonshine: ...Oh.

Hardwon: But there's not actually -

DM Murph: But it actually, your spell fizzled for practical purposes.

Moonshine: Humiliating.

Beverly: For those keeping track...Beverly -

DM Murph: For those keeping track I didn't make a goddamn mistake, don't at me.

Beverly: Yeah, also -

DM Murph: I'm gunna - [laughter] every time I don't follow the rules perfectly I'm gonna say "don't at me".

Beverly: Don't at me. Absolutely.

Moonshine: Can I, uh, can Moonshine do a little look to see if there are any hanging vines around?

DM Murph: Gimme an Investigation check. You can see that there are hanging vines, obviously, but -

Hardwon: Time to yank 'em.

DM Murph: -let's see how much you see.

Moonshine: Uhm, bitch, that's gon' be a um… [clears throat]

Beverly: That's gonna be numbers!

Moonshine: 18!

DM Murph: 18, wow, okay. You can see- you've got this murky pool of quicksand, you know, some World War 1 type water-mud in front of you. You see around the vines and stuff, you see that there are some branches broken and stuff, and it looks like some of the Bullywugs may have climbed up and jumped across -

Beverly: [in realization] Ohh.

Hardwon: That's how they get across.

DM Murph: -to some hanging branches on the other side.

Hardwon: Okay.

Beverly: Okay.

Moonshine: Ohh, so there's not like a Tarzan vine?

DM Murph: There is not a Tarzan vine, you would need to -

Moonshine: Dang.

DM Murph: -climb across. Monkey-bars style.

Beverly: Gotcha.

Moonshine: Oh, okay.

DM Murph: Kind of hang and swing, you'd need to do a little jump.

Hardwon: [contemplating] Hmmm.

Moonshine: I could do a little jump.

Hardwon: Yeah.

Beverly: Do you wanna do a little jump?

DM Murph: You guys would have to climb up first.

Beverly: Okay.

Moonshine: Yeah, I'll climb up.

DM Murph: Okay, gimme a climb check. Athletics.

Moonshine: 16.

DM Murph: 16, great, you scurry up that tree. You're able to work your way across the branches and there's a little jump that you can make to get to the branch of a tree on the other side.

Moonshine: Well, before I do that I want my compatriots to join me up here, probably, unless you guys want me to do recon.

Hardwon: Yep.

Beverly: So we can't just walk around the puddle?

DM Murph: You could, but it's -

Moonshine: But it'd be pretty lame.

DM Murph: It's not a puddle, it's a giant pool of water. It goes twenty feet across to the other side, where you see the Bullywug tracks pick up again, and you see it - as far as you can see to the east and as far as you can see to the west, it is going. You can take the long way around -

Moonshine: No, who am I kidding? -

DM Murph: -but you're gonna need to do rolls for tracking, to see if you can find the bullywug tracks again.

Moonshine: Okay, wait a second, I'm gonna drop- I've got Paw Paw's leash, I'm gonna drop Paw Paw's leash and I can help you guys up.

Beverly: Oh! We also have rope -

DM Murph: Okay, sure.

Beverly: I feel like we all have rope.

DM Murph: Yeah you guys do have rope too -

Beverly: But no, no, Paw Paw's leash.

DM Murph: But you can use Paw Paw's leash, why not?

Moonshine: The flavor though.

Hardwon: Wait, wait, let's let Beverly hop up on my shoulders, reach Paw Paw's leash, and- [laughter]

Beverly: No, no wait, wait I have a question; does Paw Paw's leash have a harness aspect on it? Is it like one of those -

Moonshine: Yeah, so it is attached to Paw Paw.

Beverly: Okay, so... oh it's [laughter] -

Hardwon: So she's lowering Paw Paw [laughter], you grab Paw Paw -

DM Murph: So Paw Paw is on his leash right now, right? So are you-

Moonshine: Yeah.

DM Murph: -Is Paw Paw? Okay, so Moonshine -

Moonshine: Well I can hold - I can either lower Paw Paw to you or I can hold Paw Paw and lower his leash.

Beverly: I'm gonna -

Hardwon: But Paw Paw cannot be on a leash -

DM Murph: Wait, Okay, so are you hanging on to Paw Paw's leash? So you are gonna be pulling up - I guess you could pull up Beverly, he probably only weighs 40 or 50lbs.

Moonshine: Yeah!

Beverly: Yeah, pull me up, uh, Hardwon you're on your own.

Moonshine: Woah.

Hardwon: Godspeed.

DM Murph: Okay, so Paw Paw is on this leash -

Moonshine: No, Paw Paw is like in my overalls and then I've wrapped the leash around one of the straps of the overall, and then I'm letting it down so there's sort of like a belay.

Beverly: Oh, okay -

DM Murph: Got it.

Hardwon: Nice. Smart.

Beverly: I am gonna strap myself into the harness.

DM Murph: Great. Beverly, like a good boy, clips in to the leash.

Beverly: Uh huh. [enthusiastically] Belay on! [laughter].

DM Murph: Give me-

Hardwon: Hardwon is just like, "shh! shh!"

Beverly: I notice that you did a bad knot, so I fix your knot real quick.

Moonshine: I say, "what are you fiddlin' with down there?"

Beverly: “Nothing! It's just, I, mm, some shoddy craftsmanship, but I've - I've got my - I have my knotman's badge, so I'll fix that right up for you.”

Moonshine: “Okay, that's real cute, get on up here child.”

Beverly: “Here I go!”

DM Murph: Okay, alright, so you're climbing up with a leash? I guess I'll give you Advantage on a climb check, go ahead and take it buddy.

Moonshine: Yeah, because it's a strong-ass leash, ‘cause Paw Paw is muscular.

DM Murph: Yeah, Paw Paw does try to run away all the time.

Moonshine: He runs fast.

Beverly: Oh that's a 10. Plus...[thinking]

DM Murph: Plus your Athletics.

Beverly: Oh, plus 5, great.

DM Murph: Great. 15, you scurry right up there -

Hardwon: Very nice.

DM Murph: Paw Paw starts licking at you like crazy. Suddenly he wants the leash now that he doesn't have it, and he starts kinda biting at you, kinda biting at the leash and pulling.

Beverly: “Ah, oh, ow, no! Paw Paw, please!”

DM Murph: Hardwon, that's you man.

Hardwon: Cool [laughter] -

DM Murph: [laughter] He's gonna roll a 1.

Moonshine: I shout down, I say, "Hardwon, do you want the leash?"

Hardwon: “I'm good!”

Moonshine: No. I dangle it down, I'm dangling it down in his face.

Hardwon: Hardwon ignores the leash, runs up, and- what do I roll, the 20?

DM Murph: Yeah, roll the D20, baby.

Hardwon: And I do a -

Moonshine: And you add Athletics.

Hardwon: -plus my...my… Athletics?

DM Murph: Plus your Athletics.

Hardwon: Great.

DM Murph: Should be like a plus 6, right?

Hardwon: Okay, I rolled an 8, but -

DM Murph: [laughter] That's okay.

Hardwon: But I got a plus 6, that's 14!

DM Murph: That's a 14. Cool, so Hardwon, not as easily as Beverly with the leash, still manages to get up with -

Hardwon: He should have used the leash.

DM Murph: -With his pride mostly intact.

Moonshine: “Wow, Hardwon, it looks like the bark of the tree really scratched you up.”

Hardwon: [arrogantly] “I'm fine.”

Moonshine: “You just got red marks all over you.”

Hardwon: A little too outta breath.

Beverly: I do offer him a bandaid.

DM Murph: You guys are up in this tree now. You need to do a little jump to reach the branch on the other side or else you will fall fifteen feet down into this pool of quicksand.

Beverly: Could we use our rope - our actual rope, not our Paw Paw harness, and kind of lasso over to the other branch?

DM Murph: Yeah, go for it.

Beverly: Okay, cool.

Moonshine: Ooh, and then we can make a zip-line?

Beverly: We can make a zip-line.

Hardwon: Yup.

DM Murph: Okay, so -

Moonshine: Let's make a zip-line, bitch.

Hardwon: I wanna ride the zip-line with my axe.

Moonshine: Yeah!

DM Murph: Okay so you're gonna try to kinda tie a little lasso?

Moonshine: I'm gonna ride it with my scimitar and then break it [laughter]. Just shaves it off.

Hardwon: You're stranding us! [laughter].

DM Murph: Are you making like a little lasso?

Beverly: Yeah I'll make a lasso.

DM Murph: Roll me a Survival check, I guess?

Beverly: Okay, I think I'm good with that.

DM Murph: You should be pretty good at it. You are a little boy scout.

Moonshine: As a Green Teen? You should be.

Beverly: Ooh, 16 plus 3, 19. Yeah.

DM Murph: Okay, yeah, you make a little lasso.

Hardwon: “That's sturdy as fuck, man.”

Beverly: I say - I do this, and I successfully make the zip-line, and I kind of like solemnly whisper -

DM Murph: [Interrupts Beverly loudly] You don't successfully make the zip-line, my man, you gotta throw the lasso now! Now make a -

Hardwon: Make it a really good lasso!

DM Murph: It is a good lasso, you got a good lasso right now. You can throw the lasso with an Attack roll. Make a Ranged Attack.

Beverly: So that's 10.

DM Murph: You got a 10 total?

Beverly: Yep.

DM Murph: Okay. You throw the lasso, you see it go into the thicket of branches and leaves of the other tree, but it's kinda hard to see. You pull on it and it seems to be pretty strong.

Hardwon: I look dubiously at your merit patch for advanced rope-play [laughter].

Beverly: “No no no, but the knots will hold, the knots! It's all about the knots.”

DM Murph: Yeah, you pull it and tighten it -

Beverly: “Huh? Huh?”

Hardwon: I just think of Scoutmaster Denny saying "good boy!" to you.

Beverly: I rip it off and give you the patch. “Hold on to this until I need it, until I'm ready for it.”

Hardwon: “You'll earn it back.”

Beverly: I'll go first, as a show of good faith.

DM Murph: Okay.

Beverly: Cool. Do I need to roll again?

Moonshine: Ohh, I'm worried about you.

DM Murph: You...yes, give me a Acrobatics check. Or no- Acrobatics or Athletics. And do it with advantage cause you got the rope there.

Beverly: Alright, I have a plus 5 in Athletics I'm gonna do that.

DM Murph: Great.

Beverly: That's a 15.

DM Murph: Great. You're able to scurry across -

Beverly: Can I do a cheer as I go?

DM Murph: Yes, you can.

Moonshine: Oh my god, why would you -

Beverly: “Skalee skalay!”

Hardwon and Moonshine: “Shh! Shh!” [laughter]

Beverly: “Sorry!”

Moonshine: “Child, I appreciate your enthusiasm-”

DM Murph: Bullywugs descend on you from all direction, quickly killing Beverly [laughter].

Hardwon: “Skalee Skalooo!”

[laughter]

DM Murph: So you scurry across, you get -

Beverly: It's bad luck not to say it.

DM Murph: -you get to the other tree, you're able to move the leaves out of the way and see where your lasso ended up. You see that it's in a little bit of a precarious position, not on quite as strong of a branch as perhaps you would have liked, and if Hardwon or Moonshine had gone, perhaps they might have fallen.

Moonshine: “Beverly, perhaps you want to - perhaps you want to tighten up that-”

Beverly: Wait, can they see that I did a bad job?

Moonshine: “Secure that knot!”

DM Murph: They can't see that you did a bad job.

Beverly: Okay hold on. So I quickly fix it, I give it a big tug and say -

Hardwon: “Beverly, how's it look over there?”

Beverly: “All good down here! All good!”

Moonshine: “Is it sturdy?”

DM Murph: Okay, so you did - you fixed it?

Beverly: I fixed it, yeah.

DM Murph: Great, Okay.

Beverly: “Very sturdy! Has always been sturdy and remains as such!”

Moonshine: I tuck Paw Paw in my overalls and I take my washboard and I zip-line across.

DM Murph: [dubiously] Oooh.

Hardwon: Nice.

DM Murph: Really? Okay give me a [laughter] -

Beverly: You're not gonna let her have it?

DM Murph: Uh, I will let her have it.

Moonshine: That was not a good "really".

DM Murph: Give me a -

Moonshine: I'm just sayin' it's gonna make beautiful music as I go across.

DM Murph: Okay. Give me a... Performance check? [laughter] I don't know how to deal with this.

Hardwon: Another beautiful song.

DM Murph: Would a washboard just- the metal just burn down the rope?

Moonshine: Oh no I'm doin' the other side, I'm doin' the other side.

DM Murph: You're doin' the other side, Okay.

Hardwon: The wood on the -

Beverly: It's so crazy, as she does it, it's exactly the melody for Semi-Charmed Kinda Life.

DM Murph: Great.

Moonshine: I got 11.

DM Murph: 11. Okay, it's pretty impressive and cool, you do that thing that happens on zip-lines sometimes where you start to go and then you kinda stop and you have to swing yourself a little. So, she is able to get herself across, but -

Moonshine: But only because of - only because the weight of my huge fertile boobs propels me forward- helps me scooch.

DM Murph: You could see that maybe she could have died by doing that. But she's able to lamely scoot across the very end of it and she gets into the other tree with Bev.

Moonshine: It's like a little too sexual as I hump my way across.

Hardwon: I feel like Hardwon pretends not to notice.

Beverly: Do you do that anime thing, where you slide in and kind of like squish up against me with your boobs?

Moonshine: Oh yeah, yeah, it's real pervy.

DM Murph: Beverly gets a nosebleed.

Beverly: I do get a nosebleed.

Hardwon: Instantly.

Hardwon: Uh, god, I really wanna try doing the zip-line on the greataxe actually.

DM Murph: Go for it.

Hardwon: Alright, cool, I'm zip-linin' on the greataxe.

Beverly: Hell, yeah.

DM Murph: Okay, not the bladed part, correct?

Hardwon: No, no, no, no, just the wood. Wood on rope. What do I roll? The 20?

DM Murph: Yes. I made her do a Performance check, but that was kinda silly so let's just say Athletics.

Hardwon: I rolled a 5.

DM Murph: Okay, you also got an 11.

Moonshine: You still got 11!

DM Murph: Thank god I didn't make you roll a Performance check, because you would have been in that quicksand.

Moonshine: Augh!

Hardwon: [with relief] Hoowee!

DM Murph: Hardwon does the same thing, he jumps up thinking, "Oh this looks like so much fun!" Starts to swing down, gets stuck halfway and then awkwardly has to "[weirdly sexual noises] Uh! Uh! Uh!" across.

Hardwon: It's the Callooh Callay.

Moonshine: Once again I'm reaching out my hand, being like,“Hardwon just grab my hand!”

Hardwon: “I'm good.”

Moonshine: “Just grab my hand!”

Hardwon: “I'm good.”

Beverly: “Callooh Callay Hardwon, you can do it!”

Hardwon: [seriously] “Callooh Callay, Beverly.”

Beverly: “Callooh Callee!”

Hardwon: I give Beverly his patch back, “You earned this now, son.”

Beverly: “Oh, thank you.” I quickly sew it back on with my sewing skills.

DM Murph: It takes three hours [laughter].

Moonshine: “Wow.”

Hardwon: I quietly remove the sewing patch [laughter].

Beverly: “Okay, fair enough.”

DM Murph: You guys are in this tree on the other side of the muddy pool, are you guys gonna try to climb down or what do you want to do from here?

Moonshine: I would like to take a little look, I would like to survey the scene.

Beverly: That seems smart.

Hardwon: Yeah.

DM Murph: Cool, give me a Perception check.

Beverly: I lend her my spyglass.

Hardwon: Very good.

Moonshine: Ohoo, bitch that's gonna be a 23.

DM Murph: 23? Nice.

Moonshine: That's right. Well, y'know we got good eyesight down at the Crick.

Hardwon: You can see fucking Galaderon from up here.

DM Murph: You see- it is difficult for you to see anything because there are all of these other trees around. It's just a big thicket, it's difficult for you to see. But you do see smoke from a fire north to you, and to the west you can see the top of a castle.

Beverly: A castle?

DM Murph: Yeah, like a keep.

Beverly: Did we - so we don't know about this castle, this isn't like -

DM Murph: You know that the dragon Shadowfang lived in a keep -

Hardwon: In a castle.

DM Murph: -in this swamp.

Moonshine: “Okay, well, first off y'all we got smoke. And you know what they say about smoke; where there's smoke, there are youngins.”

Hardwon: “There's...young - when there's no, yeah, that's not quite what they say but yeah.”

Moonshine: “There are youngins.”

Beverly: [mimicking Moonshine] “They love the stuff!”

Moonshine: “Our youngins down by the Crick play with a lot of fire, anyways, so I believe -”

Hardwon: “You guys are bad with children. [laughter] Go on.”

Moonshine: “Honestly? -”

DM Murph: [laughter] They play with a lot of fire!

Moonshine: “Down at the Crick, they outnumber the adults by about twelve to one”-

Hardwon: “So they make the rules.”

Moonshine: “So they make the rules.”

Beverly: “Wow. A place where kids rule. Sounds cool to me.”

Moonshine: “It's a scary place.”

DM Murph: It's so crazy that one day you guys are gonna have to go to the Crick and I just have to keep a running list of all the stupid shit Emily says.

Hardwon: Just like young kids playing with fire.

Beverly: It's just - it's children of the corn. Except - and there is a lot of corn.

Moonshine: “Second point of interest is next to that there is the spire of a castle. Now I obviously know right now that's not -”

DM Murph: It's a little - it's kind of far away, it's not exactly in the -

Moonshine: “So that's not directly of interest to us right now, but perhaps it is something that if we save these youngins…”

Hardwon: “That's a good - yeah, it's safe for them at the keep.”

Beverly: “It could be a good place to hide out in case of danger.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

Beverly: “I've made a little map.”

Moonshine: “I mean I love squattin'. I love finding just an abandoned house and just livin' there for three to six months so [laughter]...”

Hardwon: “Strange hobby.”

Beverly: “That's interesting.”

Moonshine: “I'll tell you why -”

Hardwon: “That's a personal passion of yours.”

Beverly: “I live in a house with my mom and dad but that's - that's a way to do it.”

Moonshine: “Yeah, uh, so -”

Beverly: “Shall we proceed to the north?”

Hardwon: “Yeah. Let's go save the kids.”

Moonshine: “Yeah.”

DM Murph: Where are you - how are you guys at HP-wise and stuff?

Hardwon: Oh shit, I think -

Moonshine: 15 baby.

Hardwon: I think I'm at 9?

DM Murph: Okay, that makes sense.

Beverly: I think I'm at - I don't think I got hurt.

Moonshine: Oh shit, is this something like what is -

DM Murph: [to Beverly] I don't think you got hurt.

Moonshine: Do we have any sort of concept of how pressing this is, if we need to get to them right away or if we could take a nap?

Beverly: I feel like it's as pressing as, like... whenever kids are missing.

Moonshine: That's pretty pressing, right?

Beverly: Yeah.

Hardwon: Yeah yeah, there's like the ritualistic sacrifice -

DM Murph: Uh huh, we've all seen The First Forty-Eight.

Hardwon: Yeah.

Moonshine: Okay.

Beverly: Do we wanna sleep in the -

DM Murph: If we don't find the Green Teens within forty-eight hours [laughter].

Beverly: Although it would be fun to put up a little hammock in a tree, have a quick siesta.

Moonshine: Yeah but we could do that once we find the Green Teens.

Beverly: Yeah, I could, well hold on I think I'm outta spells so I don't know if I can do a heal.

Moonshine: I have one spell left.

DM Murph: [to Beverly] you do not, you were out of spells, right?

Hardwon: I've got Second Wind.

DM Murph: You still have Action Surge as well.

Hardwon: Oh, yeah.

DM Murph: You haven't used any of your stuff.

Hardwon: No I haven't used...yet!

DM Murph: Not out of strategy, I think you just forgot that you have them -

Hardwon: I just don't really look at the paper.

DM Murph: -so it kinda worked out.

Hardwon: Hardwon's too proud to ever accept help.

DM Murph: Everyone else had to use all of their spells to save your life because you weren't using your own abilities.

Moonshine: Moonshine is currently - has like a poultice of like healing herbs that she's trying to put on all of his bark rashes.

Hardwon: “I'm good! I'm fine.”

DM Murph: You guys have potions though.

Beverly: Yeah.

DM Murph: One potion has been used.

Moonshine: I say we book it, I say we just try and get these youngins, I mean they are the priority, they are the future.

Hardwon: Yep.

Beverly: Okay great.

Hardwon: Let's go for it.

DM Murph: So you guys continue to make your way -

Moonshine: Uh we're stealthing, I'm going first, Mask of the Wild.

DM Murph: Great, go ahead and give me a Stealth roll with Advantage because you got that Mask of the Wild.

Moonshine: 14.

DM Murph: 14? Okay. Pretty good. So you start making your way -

Beverly: Just pretty good?

Moonshine: So I'm like doing a really good job stealthing but I'm also humming loudly [laughter].

Hardwon: Spores are growing everywhere so it's not that stealthy.

DM Murph: Yeah, you're unseeable but you are singing a Crick song.

Moonshine: A lullaby.

Hardwon: And Paw Paw is never stealthed.

DM Murph: Yeah Paw Paw's just going, [like an alarm] "Reeer! Reeer! Reeer!".

Beverly: Paw Paw is -

Hardwon: Why did you bring the animal?

Beverly: He's real gassy today.

DM Murph: Those are his little burps, just over and over again, "Ree! Ree! Ree!"

Beverly: Huh. He's really -

DM Murph: Paw Paw's scared of trees [laughter] - that might be a problem for you guys -

Beverly: He's very expressive.

DM Murph: He just screams, he screams all the time.

Moonshine: “Paw Paw's scared of trees.”

DM Murph: Okay, so you guys make your way -

Moonshine: “He thinks they're alive, I mean they are alive, but he thinks they're armed [laughter].”

Beverly: Ah, to see the world that Paw Paw sees.

DM Murph: You make your way through the swamp, you're able to pick up the Bullywug's trail when suddenly in the distance you see the glow of this fire now, so it's safe to assume you're getting close to the camp.

Beverly: Are we talking like campfire? Bonfire?

Hardwon: Or uh, ritualistic sacrifice fire?

Moonshine: Is it like a fun bonfire that everyone's dancin' around and drinkin' - oh! It's a bonfire where underage teens are drinking?

Beverly: Yeah, are kids tryna -

DM Murph: More of a like a cooking fire.

Hardwon: Oh, they're cooking those fucking kids, man [laughter].

DM Murph: Yeah, you smell teen flesh.

Moonshine: Is there a dry brine on those kids?

DM Murph: You're not close enough yet.

Beverly: Yeah, vinegar or sugar baste?

DM Murph: Go ahead and give me a Perception check.

Beverly: Jake I like to think that Hardwon is saying all these things to Beverly, just being like "They're fucking eating those kids" [laughter].

Hardwon: Ruining your positive attitude.

Beverly: “Uh, I dunno, I think that - no, they're probably gonna try get a ransom for 'em or something.”

Moonshine: I got a 10.

DM Murph: You got a 10?

Hardwon: Wait you roll - what is the Perception check? That's the 20-sided?

DM Murph: Yes. Every check is a 20-sided.

Hardwon: Plus my - got it.

DM Murph: Oh yeah, you guys can all give me Perception checks.

Beverly: 15, plus something.

Hardwon: Yeah, what is it plus?

DM Murph: It's plus your Perception, it's one of your skills.

Hardwon: Oh of course, I have 0. And I rolled a 6!

DM Murph: Cool. So Hardwon just starts walking towards the fire and Beverly has to stop him.

Moonshine: What's wrong with - [to Hardwon] do you have like sweaty hands or something that are weighting the dice against you?

Hardwon: I think it's just bad luck, it's the overconfidence.

Moonshine: How are you in Vegas?

Hardwon: It's - very bad - the problem is the hubris, it’s uh-

Beverly: Ah! God punishing you.

Hardwon: That's exactly right, if I was just a little more humble, I would be better [laughter].

DM Murph: Alright, so Bev, you clock a single Bullywug standing guard. He looks a little bored, you see him nonchalantly stick his tongue out and eat a fly as it buzzes by -

Hardwon: Whetting his appetite for the children.

DM Murph: He's holding a giant hammer in two hands, and he's near a big hanging metal sheet, looks like some kind of improvised gong. In the distance you can see the fire and you can hear some chatter.

Moonshine: “Is it just me, or does this feel like the jamboreen is happening?”

[All whispering]

Hardwon: “I don't think this is the jamboreen.”

Beverly: “We did have a big gong!”

Moonshine: “Oh, okay, okay. Just wanted to check.”

Beverly: “We do have a gong at the jamboreen.”

Hardwon: “This isn't the jamboreen, Beverly.”

Beverly: “I just - it feels like, now that she's put the idea in my head, I see the gong…”

Hardwon: “Just be quiet, don't celebrate. It's not the jamboreen [laughter].”

Moonshine: “Yeah, yeah Bev, no ‘callooh callay’s’ right now.”

Beverly: “Alright, okay.”

Moonshine: “Silent, you can do a mental ‘callooh callay’.”

Hardwon: “Caloo ca - shh!”

Beverly: “Okay, alright alright. Now, I can tell by the way that that Bullywug is standing that it is in heat.”

Moonshine: “Uh! I know what that's like.”

DM Murph: You see him, he just picks his ass [laughter].

Beverly: “I don't think that's gonna affect anything, but just be wary.”

Moonshine: “I dunno, as someone who's in heat for...most days of the year...it does affect you, y'know. Water retention and such.”

Beverly: “Absolutely, I don't - “

Moonshine: “We may be able to use it against it.”

Beverly: “I don't understand and I would ask you to quit talking about it.”

Hardwon: “Same.” [laughter].

Moonshine: “Okay, okay, I'm just sayin', you're gonna smell it instinctually, no?”

Hardwon: “We know you're fertile.”

DM Murph: Paw Paw just starts sticking his head into your armpits.

Beverly: [to Moonshine] “You say it so much.”

Moonshine: “I know, it's like a warning! Anyways go on, go on.”

Beverly: “Okay, well alright, so does anyone have an idea about what we should do? I imagine there's more Bullywugs around but that's the only one I can see.”

Hardwon: “We can't let him ring that fucking gong.”

Beverly: “Yeah, that would probably be bad. It could either summon more Bullywugs, or start the Feast of Pelor, which is an annual Jamboreen tradition.”

Hardwon: “It's not gonna be that one.”

Beverly: “I dunno, I think it's like fifty-fifty.”

Moonshine: Well, so he's bored, so what if we made some noise out here to try and lure him in.

Hardwon: Nice, yeah.

Beverly: I like that.

Moonshine: And then we can kinda ambush him -

Beverly: [shouts] "Callooh Callay!"

Hardwon: [panicked] “Shh!”

DM Murph: Wait, did you really do that?

Beverly: I don't actually do that [laughter].

Moonshine: Ooh! Ooh, wait a second, Beverly you know so much about these Bullywugs, why don't you make a Bullywug mating call? If he's in heat, get him to come -

Hardwon: Ooh. Nice. Do you have your animal mating call patch?

Beverly: "I have dissected a Bullywug and, uh, we had some lectures -"

Hardwon: "So it was dead so it was not making any noise."

Beverly: "It was not making any noise, it's true, but, um I have - some of my dad's friends like to go Bullywug hunting and one of them gave me a Bullywug call, y'know, for one of my birthday’s, so I've got some experience with it."

Hardwon: Great, let's go.

DM Murph: You do not have a Bullywug call [laughter]. I'll stand for the nonsense in the Crick, I'll stand for the Green Teen traditions -

Beverly: "Oh, I" - so what I do is I check my pockets - "Ah, dangit, I left it at home, but I know how to make -"

DM Murph: It's gonna be a Deception check, so whoever has the best Deception.

Moonshine: Plus 2.

DM Murph: Just check it out.

Moonshine: What do you guys -

Beverly: I got a plus 6.

Hardwon: I have only plus 2.

DM Murph: You guys can also Help each other.

Moonshine: I can't believe a Paladin - "well, okay, so we got Bullywugs down by the Crick, so if you do a mating call, I do a mating call, between the two of us, one of us is gonna get it right."

Beverly: "Yeah, cause it’s two girls for every guy."

Moonshine: "Yeah."

DM Murph: Okay, you're going to do a mating call?

Beverly: "Uh huh."

Moonshine: "To lure 'em out."

DM Murph: [judgmentally, laughing] Okay!

Beverly: Wait, no. I'm doing it, I have 6 in Deception.

DM Murph: Okay...

Hardwon: Rest of the episode is uh, [laughter] Beverly getting fucked by a Bullywug. Mating calls over and over.

Beverly: It’s just part of the patch.

Moonshine: It's just Hardwon and Moonshine in the bushes giving him a thumbs up.

Hardwon: "You're doin' great buddy!"

DM Murph: DC 20 Deception check.

Moonshine: Wait, really?

DM Murph: I'm not joking, he's a fucking frog-man, he's not gonna think a little boy making a frog sound is another frog that wants to fuck him. You're gonna need to do a goddamn good job to trick him.

Beverly: Uh, okay.

Moonshine: Okay, so let's talk about this because you're likely gonna fail.

Hardwon: Yup.

Beverly: Fifty-fifty.

Moonshine: If you fail, at least the noise will probably get - he probably won't -

Beverly: Yeah I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna like -

Hardwon: But couldn't we also just like, break a bunch of twigs? [laughter].

Moonshine: No, no, no, I think this is a good option.

Beverly: No, Jake -

Hardwon: Do we need to make the Bullywug horny? Or [laughter] - or can I just fuckin' clap my hands?

Beverly: Jake, I'm gonna be true to my character, and Beverly definitely likes to do things the hard complicated way, because Beverly's a little petty and likes to show his knowledge.

Hardwon: Alright, great, well Hardwon is at least trying to talk you out of it as you do the Bullywug -

Beverly: “No, no, no, I got this.”

Moonshine: One last thing, I think we should also build a little trap.

Beverly: Yeah, okay.

DM Murph: Okay, how are you - you gotta take some time to build a trap and you're gonna need to roll Stealth rolls to see if you make noises.

Moonshine: Okay, in that case maybe we'll just hide and we'll ambush him when he comes. The point is just to get him to come over so we can ambush him.

Beverly: Exactly, all right, okay, but I think that you are telling me that you believe in my ability to do Bullywug calls..

Hardwon: Great.

Moonshine: Yeah.

Beverly: All right.

Hardwon: And I'm telling you not to do it.

Moonshine: I think this is a great idea.

Hardwon: Just as Hardwon, as Jake, go for it brother!

Beverly: Yeah! I give y'all both thumbs up. Then I contort my fingers into a weird flesh ocarina and prepare to bellow out this Bullywug call.

DM Murph: All right, wait [laughter] - I'm gonna give you - you can roll Advantage on this, but you still need to beat a DC 20, because I love the term 'flesh ocarina'.

Beverly: It looks so uncomfortable, I'm like pulling out my - this is like a fucking jutsu.

Moonshine: Oh my god.

Hardwon: "And remember, it doesn't have to be super loud."

Beverly: "Uh, huh! Well I mean for it to be accurate it would be, but I understand."

[the group bursts into laughter]

DM Murph: What did he roll? You rolled a 1?

Beverly: I rolled a 1.

DM Murph: I gave you Advantage, so roll again.

Moonshine: One more roll.

Hardwon: The next one's gonna be a fucking 20.

Beverly: Okay...that's a 6.

DM Murph: Okay, and what did you get? What do you have total for Deception?

Moonshine: So you got a total 12.

Beverly: Oh plus 6, yeah, 12.

DM Murph: Okay. You see the dude looks up, bangs the gong.

Hardwon: [laughter] Okay.

Beverly: Goddammit!

Moonshine: Ohh, fuck.

DM Murph: You hear the sound of the hammer against the metal. Loud gong.

Hardwon: I shoulda known that the gong was a warning -

Moonshine: Okay, shall we scurry up in the trees?

Hardwon: I just thought it was a fuckin' instrument -

Beverly: [pankicking] "Callooh Callay! Callooh Callay!"

DM Murph: You see Bullywugs start emerging...

Moonshine: Shall we scurry up in the trees and try and get some kind of advantage over them?

Hardwon: "Let's get up the tree, Bev."

Moonshine: I'm going up in the tree.

Beverly: Yeah, okay. I strap on the Paw Paw harness and go up the tree.

DM Murph: Okay, so give me some climb checks to see if you can get there quick enough while these Bullywugs run into the forest to find you guys.

Beverly: Goddamn-

Moonshine: We add Acrobatics or Athletics?

DM Murph: Athletics.

Beverly: -I got a 1.

DM Murph: You got a 1 -

Moonshine: I got a 17.

Beverly: Plus, uh -

Hardwon: This is the first time I didn't say "Watch this!" and I got a 24. [laughter]

Moonshine: Ooh!

DM Murph: Great. Hardwon scurries up. Beverly faceplants in the mud.

Moonshine: I got a 17.

DM Murph: [to Moonshine] You scurry up. So -

Moonshine: Ahh, I can't leave Beverly down there!

DM Murph: So give me - everybody give me Stealth checks, Beverly you give me one with Disadvantage because you're face down in the mud.

Beverly: I just rolled another 1.

Moonshine: 13.

DM Murph: Okay.

Beverly: "Pelor has forsaken me!"

Hardwon: I only got a 6.

DM Murph: So Hardwon bounds up a tree and tries to hide between some branches -

Hardwon: But he is so big!

DM Murph: But his legs are just hanging out, he thinks that just because he has his face covered, like a toddler, he thinks he's hidden.

Hardwon: "You can't see me!"

Moonshine: Moonshine mistakes his huge meaty legs for just another bough of the tree and tries to climb them.

Hardwon: His legs are trunks.

DM Murph: So Moonshine is hiding behind Hardwon's legs and you can see her face. Paw Paw doesn't realise that you're in danger and he's just kind of walking around.

Moonshine: Oh, I gotta deposit Paw Paw out of - I'm depositing him up in the tree, he's staying up there.

DM Murph: Okay, Paw Paw scrambles -

Moonshine: That little thing has probably like one hit point.

Beverly: "Paw Paw, stay."

Moonshine: "Paw Paw, scramble!"

DM Murph: Paw Paw scrambles up into the tree -

Moonshine: "Paw Paw, git! Into the trees!"

DM Murph: As you guys go up into the tree Beverly faceplants in his scramble as the Bullywugs rush into the forest to find you guys. Beverly just tries to cover himself in mud and kind of hide.

Beverly: That is what I would do, yeah.

DM Murph: But you guys see seven Bullywugs -

Beverly: That's still really bad.

DM Murph: Come out and they find Beverly first -

Moonshine: Alright, I gotta Symbiotic Entity.

DM Murph: And Ewok-style -

Beverly: Oh no, they hoist me?

DM Murph: Point their spears at you.

Beverly: Oh, I got you.

Hardwon: Oh, surrounded by seven Bullywug spears?

DM Murph: Uh huh, while you're on the ground.

Moonshine: I'm gonna - I'm gonna wait this one out, see how Beverly handles it.

Hardwon: That's cool [laughter].

DM Murph: So you see they hold their spears to you, they look kinda freaked out and confused. A bunch of 'em are mumbling in Bullywug real quick, being like, [nonsensical tongue noises] "blawblablawiblebleh". And -

Moonshine: "Truly a disgusting language. I try not to judge, but that tongue..."

DM Murph: You see one sticks his spear up to your chin, and in broken Common, says -

Hardwon: [as the Bullywug] "Are you here for the jamboreen?" [laughter]

DM Murph: [As Bullywug, talking as if with a full mouth] "Wut are you doin' out 'ere?"

Beverly: I think I laugh. I try not to, I cover my mouth instantly but I do let out a little chuckle.

Moonshine: “Bad Beverly, bad Beverly.”

DM Murph: Okay, Beverly starts laughing -

Hardwon: "So impolite."

Beverly: [whispering] "Sorry, I'm sorry."

DM Murph: The - a bunch of the Bullywugs- two of them grab you, pick you up and start walking you back.

Beverly: Okay.

Hardwon: Shit, so we should either rescue him?-

Moonshine: So wait, where is his -

DM Murph: Yes, so if you guys want to do something right now, let me know.

Moonshine: I think so, I am going to - I think we gotta go for this -

DM Murph: Do you have spells?

Moonshine: Well no, I was gonna Symbiotic Entity.

DM Murph: So you're gonna turn into a Symbiotic Entity?

Moonshine: Yeah, so you know it's go time.

Hardwon: Let's go.

Moonshine: That's like - I didn't have to say anything.

Beverly: Do you think there's like a Sailor Moon transformation sequence that plays when you do that?

Moonshine: Yes. Absolutely. Every time.

Beverly: Cool.

Hardwon: A spore-filled one.

Moonshine: Except, instead of, you know, rock music or something it's like bluegrass music [banjo music].

Hardwon: I'll washboard.

DM Murph: Make an attack.

Moonshine: Oh, lord.

DM Murph: They haven't seen you yet.

Beverly: As they're dragging my away, I ask, "Are we doin' sack races this year? [pauses, as if waiting for an answer] Yes? No?"

Moonshine: I come - I just come flying out of the tree with my scimitar on the closest Bullywug - or like one of the Bullywug's that's holding Beverly. So I'm landing with my scimitar.

DM Murph: Go ahead and make an Attack roll.

Moonshine: Okay. That's gonna be...8 to hit?

DM Murph: 8 to hit, that does not hit.

Moonshine: Ehh, I didn't think so, but I still Halo of Spores him!

DM Murph: You Halo of Spores him, okay.

Moonshine: Which is gonna be 6 hit points, cause I am the Fungal Queen.

DM Murph: Moonshine jumps out of the tree, she misses big time with the scimitar. The Bullywug moves out at the last second, they all let out a croak of fear, "wugwuh". But then she -

Beverly: "Ah, so that's how it sounds, dangit!"

DM Murph: -she spits her spores at him. You see he coughs and he looks very upset by this.

Moonshine: I cast Shillelagh.

DM Murph: Shillelagh? Okay, so -

Moonshine: That's my bonus action, so next time I use my scimitar -

Beverly: “Shaloo shalay!”

DM Murph: You turn your scimitar into a shillelagh. Hardwon, if you want to take an attack you can do it in a surprise round.

Hardwon: Hardwon, who was just about to whisper to Moonshine, "Let's wait and see what happens.” [Laughter] Turns, she's not there, he's like, "Alright, fuck."

Jumps out, greataxe over his head, swinging at the other Bullywug that's holding Bev… That's an 8. Plus, what is this? The 6?

DM Murph: Yeah, so 14.

Hardwon: 14.

DM Murph: That actually does not hit.

Moonshine: What? 14 doesn't hit?

Hardwon: Fuck. Me.

DM Murph: Oh wait no, you know what? He's holding -

Moonshine: What the fuck are they wearing?

DM Murph: -He's holding Beverly, he would not have his shield up so it will hit him.

Beverly: Yeah.

Moonshine: Ohh they got shields? These little motherfuckers have shields?

DM Murph: Yeah so go ahead and make your attack roll.

Moonshine: Who the fuck sold shields to these -

DM Murph: They're making - they have little wooden shields and stuff.

Moonshine: Who is dealing arms to these swamp heathens.

Beverly: "Definitely someone my dad knows."

Moonshine: Ooh!

`Hardwon: That's a 12!

DM Murph: Plus? Plus 4?

Hardwon: Plus 4.

Beverly: Ooh.

DM Murph: Hardwon, after doing such a bad job hiding and looking like a dummy, does come out of the tree and slash this dude in half.

Hardwon: Hell yes!

Beverly: Just like straight up in half?

DM Murph: In half. This Bullywug goes down.

Hardwon: There's something way more badass about cutting people in half than decapitating, right?

DM Murph: Beverly is covered in Bullywug guts.

Moonshine: Yeah you're talking about is it horizontal in half or vertical in half?

Hardwon: I really would prefer vertical in half, that's kinda like the most -

Moonshine: Is it vertical, Murph?

DM Murph: It's vertical in half, yeah.

Hardwon: -Badass way you could separate somebody.

Beverly: I scream -

Moonshine: Yeah. Ooh, I release some eggs.

Beverly: Yeah [laughter], I scream, "This is the second time I've seen this!"

DM Murph: Everybody roll Initiative. Now we'll go into the actual fight.

Beverly: Alright.

Moonshine: Woo! Moonshines looking at...9. Paw Paw's in the tree, by the way, safe in the tree. Tucked away in the leaves.

DM Murph: Okay.

Beverly: I got an 8.

Hardwon: I got 14.

DM Murph: Hardwon you actually go first.

Hardwon: Good. Shit.

DM Murph: Which guy are you going for? There's the one that is pretty hurt that was holding Beverly that Moonshine hit, and there are five that have their spears and their shields up.

Hardwon: Cool. I'm gonna turn around and swing for a healthy one and let Moonshine finish her guy. And I just rolled a 19.

DM Murph: That hits.

Hardwon: That's a - and then a 13.

DM Murph: Cool. You fucking chop this dude down.

Hardwon: Good. Let's decapitate this guy, just old school. I say "Oppa Aladdin style" again.

Beverly: Hey Murph? Could you break me off -

Moonshine: Oppa Mulan style [laughter].

Beverly: -As these Bullywugs die, could you give me like a little sample of what they say? Cause their voices are very funny.

DM Murph: [As Bullywug, with a warbly voice] "Nooooo, my mother!"

Moonshine: “Oh, dear.”

Beverly: "That sounded bad!"

Hardwon: Hardwon spits on their face -

Moonshine: Oh no, this is not good, Moonshine has nothing but respect for family.

Beverly: Especially mothers.

Hardwon: His mother's right next to him, she’s coming for you next.

Moonshine: Ohh no.

DM Murph: "My son!"

Moonshine: "Oh lord, I think this is a family business."

Beverly: "Oh god, they're all related!"

DM Murph: That's actually -

Moonshine: This is a mom and pop shop.

DM Murph: That's actually Beverly. I don't- these fucking Bullywugs rolled so poorly, you guys should be being punished for your behaviour right now, fucking making Bullywug sounds to trick a goddamn Bullywug.

Moonshine: I think that was a great move -

Beverly: It was a very good plan -

Moonshine: -I have no regrets.

Beverly: “I've just gotta work on being sexier."

Moonshine: "Yeah we're gonna have to practice."

Beverly: Okay I have to grapple, right?

DM Murph: No, they let you go because they've been attacked.

Hardwon: Yeah one of them's dead, the other one's about to die.

DM Murph: You are right next to the Bullywug that Moonshine attacked, and then there are now four behind you because Hardwon killed one.

Moonshine: Killed two, right?

DM Murph: Killed - well he killed two, he killed the one that was holding Beverly and he killed one that was in the group of five.

Moonshine: Dang!

Hardwon: This greataxe is filled with blood.

Moonshine: I'm startin' to believe that beard is real!

Hardwon: You give it a gentle tug.

Moonshine: Aw shit! I thought that was fake all along.

Beverly: I guess I'll just go for the one nearest me. 5 so...9.

DM Murph: That does not hit. So you swing at this dude -

Moonshine: Damn.

DM Murph: This guy moves outta the way, he picks up his shield and spear -

Beverly: "Dangit!"

DM Murph: -and they are gonna take swings at you guys. These four guys that are near Hardwon are going to surround him -

Moonshine: Ooh, wait I'm at a 15 AC?

Hardwon: Oh fuck. I forgot to use my Second Wind.

DM Murph: Yes you did.

Beverly: "Please use that."

Hardwon: "My bad.”

DM Murph: They're gonna attack. The first guy tries to bite Hardwon.

Moonshine: Woah! Savage old school!

DM Murph: So 13 is not gonna hit you so -

Hardwon: No.

DM Murph: -the bite misses but then he gets to make a spear attack.

Beverly: Frogs don't have -

Hardwon: I slap it...with my hand.

Moonshine: You slap his teeth away.

Hardwon: "Knock it off!"

Beverly: Yeah, wait Murph. Frogs don't have teeth.

DM Murph: I don’t know what to tell you man -

Moonshine: Bullywugs do. Bullywugs do.

DM Murph: I'm lookin' at the fucking Monster Manual and he's got a goddamn bite so bring it up with Gary Gygax.

Beverly: So it's gonna gum it up with -

Hardwon: Frogs don't but Bullywugs do.

DM Murph: 16 to hit, does that hit you? What's your AC?

Hardwon: 16.

DM Murph: Okay that is a- that's 7 damage to Hardwon.

Moonshine: Augh!

Hardwon: I'm fuckin'- I'm fucked up. That puts me at a 2.

Moonshine: Aw, shit.

Beverly: You still have a potion though.

DM Murph: Okay. Second guy takes a swing at Hardwon-

Moonshine: No!

DM Murph: -and he misses with his spear. Now he's gonna go with his bite which, yes, frogs can bite apparently.

Moonshine: Oh my god.

DM Murph: That is a 15 to hit, that does not hit you. Cool. So Hardwon dodges out of the way barely, barely alive.

Hardwon: He probably just like faints instead of ducks [laughter]. Hardwon passes out for a second but that saves his life.

DM Murph: Yeah, you're sort of Drunken Master-style. Losing so much blood.

Beverly: I just can't stop thinking about a frog with human teeth now and it's really tripping me up.

Moonshine: Just like a really nice smile.

Beverly: Yeah, just beautiful.

Hardwon: "God, who is your dentist?"

DM Murph: This next frog flashes a nice toothy smile as he goes in to bite Hardwon.

Hardwon: "Your gum care is impeccable."

Moonshine: Moonshine is like, "Dang! They don't - we don't get that at the Crick."

Beverly: They're flawless.

DM Murph: He goes to bite you with his fangs and he misses.

Beverly: They're not fangs, they're just regular human teeth.

DM Murph: Just human teeth?

Moonshine: We're definitely like, "Do Bullywugs have braces?"

DM Murph: They just look like little chiclets. They're beautiful, they’ve got a Hollywood smile.

Moonshine: One of them is wearing Invisalign.

Hardwon: They use little reeds to floss.

Beverly: My teeth are garbage and I do have braces so I'm very jealous of these Bullywugs.

DM Murph: Okay, tries to stab you [Hardwon] with his spear and he is going to succeed.

Moonshine: Augh! Hardwon's going down, this changes the strategy.

DM Murph: That's 2 damage, what are you at?

Hardwon: That puts me at 0.

Moonshine: 0.

Beverly: Oh, shit.

DM Murph: Hardwon goes down.

Beverly: Goddammit.

Moonshine: Do you got any heals on you?

DM Murph: This other one-

Beverly: I got a potion. Oh wait, no- I used my potion. But he's got one on him.

Moonshine: But he can't use it if he's down.

DM Murph: This other one runs forward and goes after Beverly and he is going to hit with his bite. Yes, he does bite with his human teeth. And he - that's gonna be 3 damage.

Beverly: Okay.

DM Murph: And then he's gonna swing at you with his spear. That is a 20 to hit.

Beverly: Uh huh.

DM Murph: And then he hits you for 7 damage.

Beverly: 10 damage total. Cool, cool, cool.

DM Murph: Okay, and then the other guy -

Beverly: "Good numbers!”

Moonshine: "Come at me!"

DM Murph: The other guy swings at Moonshine ‘cause Moonshine just hit him.

Moonshine: "That's about right."

DM Murph: And he misses with his spear -

Moonshine: [tauntingly] Ha ha haa!

DM Murph: -and now he's going to go for his bite. And he misses with his bite. Back up to Hardwon. Hardwon give me a Death Saving throw. If you fail three times you die forever.

Hardwon: Uh, 13 plus what?

DM Murph: No, it's not plus anything, you’ve got to beat a 10 so you got a 13 -

Moonshine: So that's a successful save!

DM Murph: 10 or higher is a success. You've got one success. You will stabilise if you get three successes; if you get three deaths you will be dead. You don't do it right now, you just do one each round.

Hardwon: Oh. Great. Well, that's really too bad cause I rolled an 18 the second time so...

Beverly: Jake, we'd really miss you if you died here.

Hardwon: I would...kill myself [laughter].

DM Murph: Moonshine.

Moonshine: Alright, Moonshine's a little peeved, cause she's in her Fungus Form right now so her hospitality's at the wayside and she's a little peeved -

Beverly: And her ovaries are just thrumming.

Moonshine: -that she's got her shillelagh and she can't use it cause she's got to go over and Cure Wounds to Hardwon.

Beverly: Nice.

DM Murph: Okay this guy, you do have the one guy right in front of you who's gonna get an opportunity attack on you if you go over to Hardwon.

Moonshine: [sadly whispers] He's gonna get an opportunity attack?

DM Murph: He's right on top of you.

Moonshine: [Whistles].

Hardwon: Don't worry about me.

Moonshine: Okay, I'm gonna leave you for now.

Hardwon: I'll survive.

Moonshine: In that case, I just shillelagh this bitch.

DM Murph: Okay. Swing your shillelagh at his head.

Moonshine: 14.

DM Murph: That does not hit.

Moonshine: Augh!

Hardwon: What!?

Moonshine: You fucking kidding me!?

DM Murph: You swing your shillelagh up; he blocks with his shield.

Beverly: They got shields!

Moonshine: But it's goddamn magical!

Hardwon: Spore him!

Beverly: Do spore him.

Moonshine: [deflated] And then I just spore him.

DM Murph: You spore him for 6?

Moonshine: I do my [kiss noise] little kiss. My Sonya Blade kiss.

DM Murph: Cool. You shoot spores into his big toothy mouth and -

Moonshine: I say, "Bite this, bitch!"

DM Murph: -he bites down and a mushroom grows out of his head. His head explodes, he's dead.

Beverly: Nice!

Moonshine: Oh! And a tear comes to my eye; the beauty of life and death. From death there is life.

DM Murph: And he yells "Nooo, I had children. They're right over there."

Hardwon: God, this is such a sad Sporing.

DM Murph: [As Bullywug] "I'm just defending my hooome."

Moonshine: "Oh, Melora! what am I doin'?"

Hardwon: [laughter] Bullywugs are just fam- they're a family people.

DM Murph: "Quick, let me tell you my name before I die." [laughter] Bev, you're up.

Beverly: Okay. I will run towards the Bullywug closest to Hardwon to defend. I want to try something. You can give me that classic Brian Murphy yes or no.

DM Murph: Sure.

Beverly: I pull out the snake tooth I took earlier.

DM Murph: Okay.

Beverly: And I wanna try and stab one of the Bullywugs with it-

DM Murph: Cool.

Beverly: -to see if it's gonna poison them.

DM Murph: Go for it.

Moonshine: I mean you are pretty powerful. Probably more powerful than a poisonous snake tooth, but I like this.

Beverly: Yeah but this'll- I feel like maybe this'll threaten them.

Hardwon: But he's also creative.

Beverly: Yeah it's creative, I think maybe they'll see me do this and be like, "Oh he's killed one of those big snakes, he's not to be fucked with."

Moonshine: Ooh! You should hide it in your finger so they think that you just have a poisonous touch.

Beverly: Oh.

Hardwon: That's cool.

Beverly: Yeah, I do that.

DM Murph: Okay.

Hardwon: "Man of legend."

Beverly: 15.

Moonshine: Ooh!

DM Murph: Okay, that does hit. Go ahead and roll me a D4 for... dagger damage.

Beverly: Okay. That's a 2.

DM Murph: 7 total?

Beverly: Mhmm.

DM Murph: 7 total and then yeah, sure. This one time you can roll a D6 for poison damage, but that'll be all his venom.

Moonshine: Yeah, bitch!

Hardwon: Yes!

DM Murph: I don’t know if that's how venom works, it just stays on their teeth?

Hardwon: Don't at him.

Beverly: No, it's stored in little cavities. [sings] I know this because I have the merit badge.

Moonshine: Can I ask how you slap him? Did you like bitch slap him?

Beverly: I rolled a 2.

DM Murph: Okay, so what is the total damage you've done?

Beverly: Okay, shit.

Moonshine: You’ve done 9.

Hardwon: Is it 9?

Beverly: Uhh, 7.

Moonshine: You've done 9.

Beverly: Yeah, okay 9.

DM Murph: 9 damage. So you stab this dude for 9 damage.

Beverly: Open palm slam.

Moonshine: Yeah!

Beverly: Do you think I just like slap him? I think that's what I would do.

DM Murph: He lets out a pained croak, "Nooo, it's my birthday!" [laughter] and then he'll do a Constitution saving throw.

Moonshine: Oh, good lord.

Hardwon: I really don't think we should have been killing these people.

Moonshine: [melancholious] Usually I like to whip up a nice stew for someone if it’s their birthday.

DM Murph: He does not get poisoned, but you did some poison damage to him. That takes us to the Bullywugs. There's three that are going to swing on Beverly, because he's right there. Then the other one's going to go at Moonshine.

Moonshine: Is he going to turn around?

DM Murph: So bite first… misses. Spear… misses.

Moonshine: Yeah!

DM Murph: Second guy. Spear...misses.

Moonshine: Aw, shit! You have an 18 AC?

DM Murph: Bite -

Hardwon: Dodge, duck, dodge!

DM Murph: Misses!

Beverly: I’m so small!

DM Murph: I just rolled a 2, a 4, a 2, and a 3.

Beverly: "I am as the wind."

Hardwon: Bullywugs are morons.

DM Murph: Beverly's just doing a riverdance getting out of the way.

Hardwon: God, it's beautiful.

Beverly: "I've taken cotillion!"

DM Murph: This last guy's gonna take a swing at Beverly and he's gonna hit. I am so sorry.

Beverly: Shit, no, Brian! [Daddy Murphy’s first name]

DM Murph: He hits with the spear. Oh, it's only 2 damage.

Beverly: Oh, great.

DM Murph: You take 2 damage but he's still going to try to bite you. Cool. He goes to bite you and you catch his teeth, his big human teeth, on your shield.

Beverly: Nice.

Moonshine: Aw, the idea of teeth on a shield makes me feel -

Beverly: Murph?

DM Murph: Yes.

Beverly: Do any of the teeth stay in the shield?

DM Murph: [laughs] Do any of the teeth- ?

Hardwon: Beverly does have a teeth collection.

Beverly: I'm starting a collection.

Moonshine: That'll be so dope.

DM Murph: Yeah, uh, he chips -

Hardwon: Just walking around the world with you guys and your mushrooms and your teeth.

DM Murph: He chips his big Bullywug front tooth on your shield.

Moonshine: And it gets stuck in the shield.

DM Murph: You have half a tooth.

Beverly: “Yes!” I'm starting a craft -

DM Murph: Bullywug teeth are now canon.

Moonshine: You should keep it in your shield though, so everyone knows you've battled -

Hardwon: You are not to be fucked with.

Beverly: I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna paste all of the teeth on top of my shield. It's a little craft project.

DM Murph: Cool. Why don't you do that after you haven't died?

Beverly: Oh yeah, I'm just letting you know.

DM Murph: Cool. This other guy is gonna attack Moonshine.

Moonshine: I said, "Bring it on! Try and bite me bitch."

DM Murph: And hits with a spear for 2. He rolled a 1 on his damage. He's going to try to bite you… Oh! He crits.

Beverly: Oh, no!

DM Murph: First crit of the show is poppin' you guys.

Moonshine: "Good, I love gettin' bit up."

Beverly: What the fuck, Murph?

Moonshine: "You think I haven't ever slept outside and let the skeeters bite me? I ain't afraid to get bit!"

DM Murph: Alright, he gives you a big chompy Bullywug bite for 5 damage.

Beverly: Yikes.

Moonshine: [arrogantly] “Ah hah hah, nuthin'.”

DM Murph: Hardwon roll me a death saving throw bud.

Beverly: Oh, boy.

Hardwon: I can't use the 18 from last time?

DM Murph: You cannot.

Hardwon: That one's a 3.

DM Murph: Okay, that's a fail.

Moonshine: Oh god, I saw it was a single digit and knowing you I was like "Dear lord". "Dear Melora".

DM Murph: Hardwon starts gurgling on blood a little bit. Things are looking pretty dire over there.

Moonshine: Whew!

Beverly: "This isn't good."

DM Murph: That is Moonshine.

Moonshine: Okay. So if I want to run over to Hardwon they're going to get attacks of Opportunity?

DM Murph: One guy will.

Moonshine: Alright I gotta take it. Yeah I'm going over.

DM Murph: So he's gonna take an attack on you...And he misses.

Hardwon: We are blessed!

Moonshine: "Thank you Melora!" Okay and then I'm gonna Cure Wounds Hardwon. So Hardwon that's gonna -

Beverly: When you're in the symbiotic form do you just kinda like feed him a mushroom?

Moonshine: Yeah, I do like good spores. I have bad spores that I do at the bad guys and -

Beverly: Good spores.

Hardwon: Push it past the blood coming out of my mouth.

Beverly: One of them- they're both green, but one is a slightly different shade of green. It's very important that you know which hue is which.

Hardwon: And it is very dark.

Moonshine: Oh, that's gonna be 12.

Beverly: [impressed] Ooh!

Hardwon: Very nice. What does that mean?

DM Murph: You pop back up with 12 HP.

Moonshine: And then you know the dude that Beverly hit? I [imitates blowing a kiss] kiss him spores.

DM Murph: How do you wanna kill him? I'll say, "finish him!" That'll be my thing.

Moonshine: Well, I killed him with spores. Finish him? I guess I'd like to go over and kiss him on his toothy mouth and just basically vomit spores into him.

DM Murph: Gross [laughter]. He dies of mushroom vomit.

Hardwon: Hardwon feels almost jealous. Does he have any last words?

DM Murph: He says, "My first kiss!"

Beverly: Yes! I was thinking the exact same thing. Yes! We did it.

Hardwon: So sad for him. But she is super fucking hot.

Moonshine: I wipe my mouth and say, "You know what? That's not a bad way to go. That's not a bad way to go, I should be kissing all of 'em."

Beverly: Very important question Murph, do the Bullywugs believe in heaven?

DM Murph: Yeah.

Moonshine: Yeah do we have time - can I use my action to ask if they believe in heaven?

DM Murph: They say, "No" and stab you in the head. [laughter] Okay. Bev you're up.

Beverly: Okay, alright, shit.

DM Murph: You’ve got three Bullywugs left. They have not been attacked yet.

Beverly: And Hardwon is stabilised, so that's good.

DM Murph: Hardwon's fine. Also has all of his goddamn abilities, hasn't used any of them.

Hardwon: I am either cutting people in half and decapitating them or -

DM Murph: Or dead. That's kinda what Fighters do.

Moonshine: Truly once you've used- start to use your abilities I think you're gonna find that you stay up a little more.

Beverly: Hardwon's got fuckin'- you got one speed and I like that.

Hardwon: Yeah I don't even know what Great Weapon Fighting is.

DM Murph: Oh, that's so you can reroll 1's and 2's on your damage.

Hardwon: I'm a moron! [laughter]

DM Murph: Yeah feel free to do any level-

Hardwon: Hardwon is not smart ...and neither am I.

DM Murph: Feel free to do any level of research. Just any level.

Beverly: Do any of the words on that sheet.

Moonshine: Yeah maybe people at home could just tweet how to play Fighter.

DM Murph: Do at Jake.

Hardwon: Do at me, do at me!

DM Murph: Do at Jake.

Moonshine: Yeah, do at Jake.

Hadwon: Get in on the reddit, tell me what to do.

DM Murph: Bev, you got three of these Bully's.

Beverly: I'm going to position myself in front of Hardwon.

DM Murph: Okay.

Hardwon: "I don't need it. I'm good."

DM Murph: You see Beverly is protecting two and a half feet of you.

Beverly: Yeah, no. My fist clenches, my eyes shine with courage and determination.

DM Murph: He is Naruto.

Moonshine: Yeah! I was gonna say this is so anime!

Hardwon: [as Beverly] "Get your hands off my Scoutmaster."

Beverly: That's what I say but my voice does crack when I say it. [laughter] And then I attack the nearest one.

DM Murph: Great, go for it.

Beverly: Nat 20 baby.

Moonshine: Ooh!

Hardwon: Oh, shit!

DM Murph: Nice! Roll 2 D8s and then - just add your modifier once but you roll the die twice.

Moonshine: Looks like the Band of Boobs gots its own crit.

Beverly: That's an 8!

Hardwon: That's a nat 8.

DM Murph: Nice! [laughter] Nat 8, the famous nat 8.

Moonshine: Ohh, we critted with the 8!

Beverly: Critical 8! And a 5.

DM Murph: Okay so 13 plus what is your...

Beverly: Attack damage?

DM Murph: Yeah.

Beverly: Plus 5, so...18?

DM Murph: Dope. Oh my god.

Hardwon: Young Beverly.

DM Murph: Beverly, finish him!

Moonshine: I think Beverly is Rock Lee from Naruto.

Beverly: Yeah. I say, "This is for Hardwon!"-I do-

Hardwon: Hardwon’s like, “Shh!”

Beverly: -and I do a straight up Link from Zelda spinning slash.

DM Murph: Nice. Beautiful.

Hardwon: Very cool.

DM Murph: And you cut him in half or what do you do?

Beverly: I think I probably just, well - how tall are they?

DM Murph: They're dwarf sized. They're like four/four and a half feet tall.

Beverly: Okay, so yeah I could cut them in half!

Moonshine: If you wanna send them my way I can kiss 'em. Seems like this may be something -

DM Murph: Beverly also gives the kiss of death.

Beverly: I say-

Hardwon: Beverly kisses him but nothing happens.

DM Murph: Beverly regular-vomits into his throat and he chokes.

Beverly: When they slide apart after I cut them in half, I say, "Thanks! But I already have my dissection badge."

Hardwon: Oh, that's badass dude!

DM Murph: That's really good.

Moonshine: Bev!

Hardwon: "Good boy."

Moonshine: "Good boy."

Beverly: "Thanks!"

Moonshine: We both pat his head and say, "Good boy".

Beverly: "Is it weird that I like this? It's weird that I like this."

Hardwon: "It's good."

Moonshine: "Well, it's because you're doing it for an honourable reason."

Beverly: "That's right."

Hardwon: "We're gonna get you your murder patch bud."

Beverly: "Pelor shines upon- that's not a real patch."

Moonshine: "It will be."

Beverly: "That's one of the forbidden patches."

Hardwon: “It’s a patch of shame?”

Moonshine: "Hey, I'll whip you up a murder patch."

Beverly: "Aw, thank you."

DM Murph: So these Bullywugs are going to -

Hardwon: Start making up patches for him.

DM Murph: -are gonna swing down on this little demon boy. He misses with his first attack. And he goes to bite… and he misses with his bite!

Beverly: They are so intimidated.

Moonshine: "That's because he is so strong."

DM Murph: Other guy swings on Beverly. Misses with his bite and misses with his spear. That is Hardwon.

Hardwon: Great, I'm gonna use my Second Wind!

Beverly: Great!

DM Murph: Go ahead and roll D10. Then you get that plus your Fighter level, you're level 2.

Beverly: This is so good- Jake this is basically like you getting back up and being like-

Hardwon: "I wasn't passed out."

Beverly: Yeah. [laughter] You weren't fighting at full strength before.

Moonshine: [as Hardwon] "I didn't pass out and wet my pants." [laughter]

Hardwon: Hardwon has piss and shit in his pants. He’s like, "It's muck! It's muck! It's just - it's stuff from the swamp."

DM Murph: [as Hardwon] "Man the swamp smells like shit."

Hardwon: Oh, that's an 8. Do I add anything to that?

DM Murph: Great. Plus your Fighter level, so 10 total. So you get 10 HP back.

Hardwon: Great.

DM Murph: And that's a Bonus Action I think.

Hardwon: That's 22.

Moonshine: That's a Bonus Action so you can still-

DM Murph: I believe that's a Bonus Action so you can still make an attack.

Beverly: Now is Second Wind like he takes off his weighted bands and he's got a little extra energy?

Hardwon: I'd like to unbraid my hair, shake out the mane.

Beverly: Oh, shit.

Moonshine: Oh, yeah.

Hardwon: What do I roll now?

DM Murph: You can make an attack.

Beverly: Hardwon became Hotwon.

Moonshine: That's his alter-ego.

Hardwon: That is a 20.

DM Murph: Great, that hits.

Hardwon: Greataxe and -

DM Murph: Go ahead and attack him Aladdin style.

Hardwon: Oppa Aladdin style hit him for a 16!

DM Murph: Holy shit.

Hardwon: I'm going greataxe! Instead of top-down, I'm goin' cock to head! [laughter] Fuckin' wind it up like a little yo-yo around the world thing.

DM Murph: Ooh, wind it up. Cock to head, he feels everything-

Moonshine: Was that the one that was in heat?

DM Murph: He's conscious through the whole thing. He doesn't die until the axe hits his brain stem. You can see how much pain he's in as his face contorts until he's cut in half.

Hardwon: Good, good, good.

Moonshine: Any last words from him?

DM Murph: No, the guy next to him says, "Jesus Christ, that's my dad!" [laughter]

Moonshine: Well, he's not making any more children any time soon.

DM Murph: Moonshine.

Moonshine: Oh, okay -

Hardwon: How many of these guys are left, one or two?

DM Murph: Just one.

Moonshine: Then I go to the guy that said, "That's my dad" and I say "You should be with your father" and-

Beverly: “Wait, no!”

Hardwon: “That's hospitable.”

Beverly: Should we try and question him or something?

Moonshine: It's too late [laughter]. And I -

DM Murph: She's already said her line.

Beverly: I think- yeah, I ask that question and as I'm asking it-

DM Murph: Should we question him? ...He's dead.

Beverly: "...Okay."

Moonshine: 15.

DM Murph: 15 to hit? That does hit.

Moonshine: Ooh, baby!

DM Murph: Do your damage.

Moonshine: Okay. So I get to do lots of exciting damage.

DM Murph: Lots of exciting damage.

Hardwon: To this poor fatherless child.

Moonshine: Okay, so 5 plus my spellcasting modifier which is 5, so 10. Plus I get to roll an extra D6 -

DM Murph: For your symbiotic entity stuff?

Beverly: I would like to question him about heaven.

Moonshine: 12! Bitch!

DM Murph: 12 total? This dude… is dead. Finish him.

Moonshine: Okay I'm gonna just disembowel him. I feel like we've done-

Beverly: That's gonna take-

DM Murph: Also a lot-

Moonshine: I'm gonna take my [scimitar]- take it and just do a nice smooth but shallow enough cut that it doesn't cut him in half but instead just his guts spill out.

Hardwon: Before his guts come out I say, "Ah, Beverly's right. He might have some good intel."

DM Murph: Instant [laughter]- insides fart out of his stomach.

Beverly: As the insides are-

DM Murph: As Beverly disembowels him with a shillelagh? Just shoves it up his ass -

Moonshine: Moonshine.

DM Murph: Moonshine, sorry.

Moonshine: And then Moonshine says, "Maybe we share that dissection badge? I could get into badges."

Beverly: [nervously] "Uh huh".

Hardwon: She takes the patch off of you.

Beverly: No, I give it to her. I give her the patch and say, "You've earned it!" As the frogs entrails are bleeding out, I do go up and try and question him. "Who is your leader? Where are you keeping the Green Teens?"

DM Murph: His dead frog eyes stare at you.

Moonshine: I'm gonna go through his-

DM Murph: A thousand years of horror in his eyes.

Moonshine: I'm gonna go through his guts to make sure it wasn't an expecting mother.

DM Murph: [deadpan] Yeah, there were twins in there.

Moonshine: Wait, really?

DM Murph: No.

Hardwon: Cool. Can Hardwon decapitate him?

DM Murph: Okay, go ahead and keep wrecking his body.

Moonshine: "No, no, no, y'all! I think we need to give- this was-”

DM Murph: Just so you guys know, you guys are out of battle now and you do hear commotion. The whole camp knows that people are here. The gong went off.

Moonshine: "Okay. So we do not have time to do a proper burial. So we're gonna come back later though" -

Hardwon: I kick some muck on top of 'em.

Moonshine: That's a Crick burial, so yeah. Everyone kick some muck as you run away and hide.

Hardwon: A very honourable tradition.

DM Murph: You guys are gonna run and - how far away are you guys gonna go?

Moonshine: I think that we should run towards it and hide at like the mouth of the entrance.

Hardwon: Oh, yeah. When you are darting near a fire you get nightblind because you're looking at the light from the fire and when you look out into the woods you can't really - can't see what's wrong.

DM Murph: Okay, I won't give them Advantage on their checks then.

Hardwon: Thank you.

DM Murph: That's a good fact.

Hardwon: Read Game of Thrones books people!

DM Murph: [as a Bullywug] “Freakin’ night blindness!”

Moonshine: Yeah, I think that we should try to run towards it, but hide at the mouth of where they'd be running out.

Hardwon: Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's really smart.

Beverly: They'll run right past us.

DM Murph: Okay, so you're going near the tent. Everybody go ahead and give me a Stealth roll.

Beverly: We all hold newspapers up to our face.

Moonshine: I got a 1. But I have Mask of the Wild.

DM Murph: That's Advantage, so then roll again.

Beverly: This is a Stealth check?

Moonshine: Uh, I got a 2.

Hardwon: Oh, shit!

DM Murph: What'd you get?

Moonshine: A 2.

Hardwon: I had a 10.

DM Murph: And what did you get?

Beverly: I got a 9.

Moonshine: Oh god!

Hardwon: We're not that… stealthed, are we?

Moonshine: We're fucked guys. Hey, I'm still Symbiotic Entity. I still got my shit goin'.

Hardwon: My HP's back to 22, bitch!

Beverly: There you go.

DM Murph: Cool, so you guys -

Moonshine: Let me see how long my Shillelagh lasts for.

DM Murph: Let me give a quick recap of the chain of events that just happened. Beverly threw his voice to try to sound like a female bullywug in heat.

Beverly: Ooh! I sounded like a male not a female that's what happened.

Hardwon: ...That wasn't the problem.

DM Murph: Bullywug heard this, he was right next to a gong.

Hardwon: Beverly's like [as Beverly, mockingly] "Cause my voice is so deep!"

DM Murph: Hit the gong. Seven bullywugs go out into the forest. You guys manage to kill them after Hardwon is knocked out. You do not run off, wait for anything to die down. Rather, you approach the camp, make a ton of noise as you see seven more Bullywugs near the fire clock you guys including a Bullywug King with a makeshift crown and a little robe -

Hardwon: A swamp crown?

DM Murph: You see he has a wooden crown that's like shittily made with jewels pasted on.

Hardwon: Wow. That's the bullywug royalty.

DM Murph: And that is where we will end our session, with you guys definitely about to die.

Moonshine: Ooh, fuck. Yeah, we might need to retreat.

Beverly: Thanks for listening!

DM Murph: Thanks everyone for listening this is the last episode ever of Not Another D&D Podcast.

Hardwon: See you not next week or ever!

DM Murph: Listen next week to see how our heroes get outta this one!

Hardwon: Hah! Spoiler: they don't [laughter].

DM Murph: But yeah guys follow us on Twitter, @JakeHerwitz, @Caldy, @EAxford, @chmurph is me. Be sure to rate the podcast guys.

Moonshine: Actually, maybe I should make a Moonshine Twitter, @MoonshineCybin?

Beverly: Absolutely. Do a little -

Hardwon: Yeah. You got some good fan art -

Beverly: A little roleplay on the side.

DM Murph: Yeah guys, thanks so much for the fan art, it's been amazing.

Moonshine: Oh my god, I love it!

Beverly: Yeah there's a subreddit -

DM Murph: Yes! r/NotAnotherDnDPodcast.

Moonshine: Oh, and if you wanna tweet about the show we have, via text chain, decided it's #NADDPod.

[Overspeak about how to spell #NADDPod]

Beverly: All the little naddpoles, out there get ready to start tweetin'!

Hardwon: Ooh, naddpoles.

DM Murph: [singing] While I was takin' the test I took two to the chest.

Beverly: Huh?

DM Murph: NADDPod. Youth of the Nation. Try to keep up everyone.

Hardwon: Oh, no! I can't do the podcast anymore, man.

DM Murph: First P.O.D. reference [laughter].

Hardwon: First P.O.D. reference but not the last [singing] "WE ARE WE ARE, THE YOUTH OF A NATION!”